Gabrielle: Now why don't you just cancel the pageant?
Salmoneus: Lord Clairon's tried that. Each of these guys is so invested in winning, nobody wants to quit first. The way I see it � what we need is a contestant to keep an eye on things from the inside.
Gabrielle: Oh, no, no, no! Don't even look at me. Now you know how I feel about these women being victimized by meat markets.
Xena: She's right. But war makes everyone a victim. So... meet Miss Amphipolis.

Gabrielle: Oh, Argo, Argo, Argo. Somebody walked by with an apple and she followed him home.
Xena: Hah!
Gabrielle: That's what horses do!
...
(later)
Xena: (to Argo) How did Ascius win you over? (Argo motions over to an apple tree) What? Apples? You left me for apples? Thanks, pal.

Gabrielle: Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then, the Gods threw down thunderbolts, and split everyone into two. Each half then had two legs, and one head. But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited, because they shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.

Gabrielle: Riding? That would mean Argo. No-- she doesn't like me.
Xena: She doesn't hate you. I thought you had a pony when you were young.
Gabrielle: I did. His name was Tympani.
Xena: Did you leave Tympani with your sister?
Gabrielle: No-- actually-- he got very sick one day, and-- why, I thought he would get better, but-- it's just what happens with things that you love. Sometimes they just leave you.

Gabrielle: Sirens? Their song is said to call all men who hear it to the death on the rocks of the island.
Xena: All men. I´m not a man.
Ulysses: Yeah, I´ve noticed.

Gabrielle: So Miss Known World is a man?
Xena: Yep.
Gabrielle: That's kind of funny, huh?
Xena: Why? Beauty is beauty.
Gabrielle: And peace is peace.
Xena: Are you going to write about this?
Gabrielle: Oh, yes. I was thinking about calling it “Queen for a �
Xena: Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: “What a drag �
Xena: Gabrielle!
Gabrielle: Okay, okay.

Gabrielle: So, what's this Petracles like?
Xena: He's a warlord. He's an ambitious, ruthless, dominating, conniving lair. He'll say anything he can to get a woman to fall for him, and then once he has her, he uses her.
Gabrielle: So you've met.
Xena: We were to be married.

Gabrielle: That's what makes doing work like this worthwhile.
Autolycus: Yes, half naked men running through the square.

Gabrielle: The Elysian Fields... only heroes wind up here. (pauses) Dead heroes. (looks down, realizes she is completely naked and covers herself with her arms) Dead naked heroes.

Gabrielle: There's something that I'm not getting. There's something you're not telling me.
Xena: She reminds me a little bit of me.
Gabrielle: Xena, I knew you were evil, but you were obnoxious too?

Gabrielle: This is sabotage!
Xena: Gabrielle, it's just a bad dress.
Gabrielle: Bad dress? Xena, Chiffon is bad. Chartreuse is bad. But this is a disaster. You will be eliminated half way down the catwalk.
Xena: Calm down. Look, if it really bothers you, I'll fix it. [Cuts dress]

Gabrielle: Well-- what? Oh. I don't have a gift for you.
Xena: Gabrielle, you are a gift to me

Gabrielle: What are you doing?
Xena: Hard to believe, but Joxer's advice about a cold swim, I'm taking it.
Gabrielle: That's not hard to believe. No no, Joxer's full of good ideas.
Xena: No, I said Joxer.
Gabrielle: I know, he's teaching me that wonderful song of his.
Xena: Gabrielle, what's going on? You barely tolerate Joxer.
Gabrielle: That was before.
Xena: Before what?
Gabrielle: Before I realized ... I love him.
Xena: What?!
Gabrielle: I know, it shocked me too, to see how blind I'd been. But, maybe that's what love is, it's blind. I should write that down.
Xena: No, Gabrielle, this is crazy. You can't be in love with Joxer. He's ... well, he's Joxer.
Gabrielle: Are you talking about my man? Like Draco is such a prize? Xena, I would rather be in love with Joxer than a blood thirsty warlord like Draco.
Xena: Draco's not like that.

Gabrielle: What happened?
Xena: I just got out-smarted by my own tactics.

Gabrielle: What in Tartarus have you been carrying on these shoulders?
Xena: I wouldn't know. I try not to over analyze my life like some people.
Gabrielle: Some people say that an unexamined life is not worth living.
Xena: Those people haven't led my life.