Welcome Back, Kotter quotes
73 total quotesLyle: Gabe, all through school I wanted to be a Sweathog, but dirt never stuck to me. I was... too perfect.
Mary Frances: It's lovely being perfect.
Lyle: It's boring being perfect. It's boring being rich. I have five boring bedrooms.
Mary Frances: Am I included in those five boring bedrooms?
Lyle: Mary Frances, no one has a headache for seven years!
Mary Frances: It's lovely being perfect.
Lyle: It's boring being perfect. It's boring being rich. I have five boring bedrooms.
Mary Frances: Am I included in those five boring bedrooms?
Lyle: Mary Frances, no one has a headache for seven years!
Ms. Helms: Mr. Epstein just doesn't have the numbers! I have no other answer for him!
Kotter: Yeah? Well, I have an answer for you, lady--up your nose with your computer hose! And twice as far with a chocolate bar!
Kotter: Yeah? Well, I have an answer for you, lady--up your nose with your computer hose! And twice as far with a chocolate bar!
Vinnie: I feel like this is just the beginning. Today, Buchanan, tomorrow, who knows? Governor Barbarino, Senator Barbarino, Emperor Barbarino! [Sweathogs cheer] You know, Julius Caesar was an Italian.
Vinnie: I got my own idea of what God is like: I know he's a sharp dresser, and he's good-looking, and of course he's Italian.
Freddie: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythm section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.
Freddie: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythm section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.
Vinnie: I happen to know this girl. She's a little too, uh, old for me. She's nineteen. But believe me, she's ready to trot!
Kotter: Ready to trot?
Vinnie: Yeah.
Kotter: Then take her out to Yonkers Raceway.
Kotter: Ready to trot?
Vinnie: Yeah.
Kotter: Then take her out to Yonkers Raceway.
Vinnie: You know, Mr. Kotter, prayer is good for you.
Kotter: Oh, I know that, Vinnie, I know. I prayed all morning, the whole time I was on the subway comin' to work. I prayed that we'd get to my stop before the two guys who were kickin' the conductor noticed me.
Kotter: Oh, I know that, Vinnie, I know. I prayed all morning, the whole time I was on the subway comin' to work. I prayed that we'd get to my stop before the two guys who were kickin' the conductor noticed me.
Vinnie: You scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Kotter: I can't do that. You see, my wife has an exclusive on my entire body. She'd be disturbed if I came home with a pre-scratched back.
Kotter: I can't do that. You see, my wife has an exclusive on my entire body. She'd be disturbed if I came home with a pre-scratched back.
Vinnie: You're not our friend. You're nothing but a teacher.
Kotter: Why can't I be your teacher and your friend?
Epstein: It don't work that way, Kotter. You see, in this vast universe of ours, people are divided into two groups, us and them. You're them.
Kotter: Why can't I be your teacher and your friend?
Epstein: It don't work that way, Kotter. You see, in this vast universe of ours, people are divided into two groups, us and them. You're them.
Woodman: [about Kotter and the Sweathogs] They do a lot of pretending in that class. They pretend to be students; he pretends to be a teacher.
Woodman: Now today, we will discuss the Revolutionary War. Now, who can tell me where that war started? Mr. Washington?
Freddie: Right. [whispers to Kotter] What's the answer?
Kotter: [whispering] Lexington and--
Freddie: Right. [stands up, clears throat] Lexington Avenue. Probably near 129th Street, by that barbecue, man. It's a tough neighborhood. A lot of wars went on over there.
Freddie: Right. [whispers to Kotter] What's the answer?
Kotter: [whispering] Lexington and--
Freddie: Right. [stands up, clears throat] Lexington Avenue. Probably near 129th Street, by that barbecue, man. It's a tough neighborhood. A lot of wars went on over there.
Woodman: The world is divided into two parts--us and them. They're them! And come to think of it, you're them too.
Kotter: Yeah? Well, thank you. [in Groucho voice] That's the nicest remark I ever hoid.
Kotter: Yeah? Well, thank you. [in Groucho voice] That's the nicest remark I ever hoid.
[Epstein and Freddie bring the blackboard from the class into the Kotters' apartment]
Kotter: You guys can't do things like this. It's against the law. It's robbery! It's five to ten!
Epstein: [holding an alarm clock] Nah, its ten to ten.
Freddie: Hey, besides, we tend to think of it as... creative borrowing.
Kotter: You guys can't do things like this. It's against the law. It's robbery! It's five to ten!
Epstein: [holding an alarm clock] Nah, its ten to ten.
Freddie: Hey, besides, we tend to think of it as... creative borrowing.
[Kotter asks Freddie where his report card is]
Freddie: My momma's got it, you dig? Yeah!
Kotter: I dig it! Didn't she sign it?
Freddie: Heh, no. She just took it in her left hand, and then she hit me upside my head with her right. See, man, and then, and then, she threw a chair at me. And then she tried to cave my back in with a TV set!
Kotter: All right, all right, have your father sign it.
Freddie: You crazy? He's the one with the bad temper!
Freddie: My momma's got it, you dig? Yeah!
Kotter: I dig it! Didn't she sign it?
Freddie: Heh, no. She just took it in her left hand, and then she hit me upside my head with her right. See, man, and then, and then, she threw a chair at me. And then she tried to cave my back in with a TV set!
Kotter: All right, all right, have your father sign it.
Freddie: You crazy? He's the one with the bad temper!
[Kotter comes in the class after the bell rings]
Vinnie: You're late.
Freddie: That's your fourth tardy this semester.
Epstein: Did you bring a note from your mommy? [Horshack laughs]
Gabe: Boy, what an honor, in my class, all four Marx brothers: Wacko, Stupo, Jerko, and Dummo.
Vinnie: You're late.
Freddie: That's your fourth tardy this semester.
Epstein: Did you bring a note from your mommy? [Horshack laughs]
Gabe: Boy, what an honor, in my class, all four Marx brothers: Wacko, Stupo, Jerko, and Dummo.