[Mac is marking Weevil's work.]
Weevil: Okay, you put another "X" on that paper, and we're gonna have a problem.
Mac: I'd put little smiley faces, but I don't know if that's gonna sell "wrong."
Beaver: I told you you went too fast on balancing equations.
Mac: I didn't go too fast!
Beaver: You plowed right through! I didn't even understand what you were talking about.
Mac: No surprise there.
Beaver: What, you're saying you're smarter than me?
Mac: No, I wasn't. Here's what that would've sounded like: "I'm smarter than you." Hear the difference?
Beaver: You don't really believe that.
Mac: Then why did I get it tattooed on my hip?
Beaver: If this what you need to do to feel better about yourself...
Mac: [to Weevil] If I get you an A, will you shiv him?
Weevil: Hey, I got an idea. How about you two geniuses go work out your aggression in some coat room and then come back here and teach me algebra, huh?
(Mac and Beaver grin at each other)

[Mandy just got prank called and they see the group of boys laughing about the prank call they just made.]
Mandy: Don't do it Veronica, it's not worth it!
Veronica: It so is!
Veronica: You prank called Mindy?
Lenny Sopher: So what if I did
Veronica:I just wanna congratulate you, shake your hand. Congratulations, you've been named World's Biggest Cockroach! This award is given in recognition of you unparalleled lack of humanity. Bravo. You're going to die friendless and alone
Lenny Sopher: Everyone knows you're.....
Veronica: Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a snausage over your nose.If you ever use Mandy again to try to convince yourself you're not a loser, I will ruin your life! Got it? You got it?
Lenny Sopher: Okay, jeez.
Mandy: I can't believe you did that.
Veronica: I can't believe you didn't.

[Max and Mac are laughing and hitting it off]
Max: Okay, seriously, did my friends hire you?

[Playing "I Never"]
Logan: I've never taken matters into my own hand in the boys' locker room after watching the cheerleader tryouts.
[Veronica and Lilly gasp]
Duncan: Dude, you are so dead.
Lilly: Very pervy, Duncan. I'm a little impressed though.
Logan: You must drink, comrade.
Veronica: Please tell me that was before we started dating.
Duncan: [drinking] Of course. I've never, um, I've never seen my parents having sex. [Lilly drinks, everyone gasps] No way, no way.
Lilly: Yeah, I went into their room to borrow Mom's black sweater.
Duncan: No, just shut up.
Lilly: Mom was on top of Dad.
Duncan: Oh my God, I don't wanna see this!
Lilly: Hold on a second! She was like this. Watch. She was like this. [moaning] Ohh. Ohh. [yawning] Ohh.
Duncan: Lilly, that is so wrong.
Lilly: I think Dad probably thought so too.

[Talking about relationships]
Veronica: Like why bother with something that's not good, cause if it's not good -
Piz: It's bad. Exactly. But these guys were like, 'as long as she's got a pair of-' [makes a motion for breasts and Veronica gives him a look] You know, it was indelicate.
Veronica: What's indelicate about shoes?
Piz: [laughs] But I figure, you know I know what I like. Why waste my time?
Veronica: Like why bother with something that's not good, just because it's something?
Piz: Especially when you know the difference. Which not many people do. I mean, do you?
Veronica: I - I think I do.
Piz: You see I think it's like 90% of life, just knowing the difference.

[The trio mentions the missing monkey and lab rats.]
Veronica: Monkey?
Mac: As in "touch my".

[Trying to filch info on her father's case, Veronica sets off a blue-dye packet in a trap he set for her.]
Keith: Hey, honey. What have you been up to?
Veronica: Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, 'cause there's some place I'd like to put it!
Keith: Wow. Good thing I didn't go with the bear trap.
Veronica: This is not funny! I need to see that diary! She's lying. I know it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being.
Keith: Honey, you don't have to get all blue in the face.
Veronica: You're patronizing me?
Keith: To be fair, I am your patron.

[Veronica and Weevil walk up to Logan, Duncan, and Sean who are all enjoying some pizza.]
Veronica: So, good news, bad news. Good news is I know who stole the money. Bad news is I know who stole the money.

[Veronica arrives home from a date.]
Veronica: So, what did you think of him?
Keith: Oh, hey, you're home early.
Veronica: Oh, hey, did you run his license plate or did you get fingerprints?
Keith: I'm sorry, honey, what?
Veronica: You know you're not fooling me.
Keith: Okay. Veronica, I have no idea what you're talking about. [Veronica scoffs and starts to go to her room] Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you. If he's gonna be kissing my daughter on my porch for eight-and-a-half minutes, I'll need to meet him. Sweet dreams, honey.
Veronica: Is that really necessary?
Keith: He's taking up a lot of daddy/daughter time.

[Veronica calls Mac for yet another computer-tech favor.]
Mac: What did you ever do before you met me?
Veronica: Ever see the first 10 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey? It was a lot like that.

[Veronica catches Tim breaking into Mars Investigations.]
Veronica: What the hell are you doing?
Tim: I...uh...I'm...
Veronica: Formulating a lie, realizing it's futile, begrudgingly telling the truth?
Tim: I'm trying to help Landry, okay? He gave your father the bug that someone planted in his phone. I'm hoping it will lead to Mindy.
Veronica: How is it going to lead to Mindy?
Tim: I don't know. Serial numbers?
Veronica: They don't have serial numbers.
Tim: Well, I didn't know. There's got to be a way. How would you do it?
Veronica: [annoyed] Hmmm...well, first, I'd break into someone's office, act really weasly, and then ask their advice.

[Veronica does an online search for Max's hooker based on his nerdy friends' description.]
Veronica: It's like a Zagat guide for hookers. How did people find sex before there was an Internet?

[Veronica drags Luke into the bathroom.]
Veronica: We need to talk.
Luke: All right, well does it have to be next to the feminine hygiene machine?

[Veronica encounters the Pi Sig frat approaching in a group.]
Veronica: Hello, Chip... Dick... faceless Star Trek crew members...

[Veronica enters the house after kissing deputy Leo goodnight.]
Keith: Veronica, we need to talk.
Veronica: [in Southern accent] He's a fine gentleman, Pa. He'll come up with the dowry to marry me, just you wait.