Sookie: Hi, what can I - what can I get for you tonight?
Bill: Do you have any of that synthetic bottled blood?
Sookie: No, I'm - I'm so sorry. Sam got some a year ago, but nobody ever ordered it, so it went bad. You're our first [whispers] vampire.
Bill: Am I that obvious?
Sookie: I knew the minute you came in. I can't believe nobody else around here seems to.
Bill: [referring to Sam] He does.
Sookie: Oh, don't worry about Sam, he's cool. I know for a fact he supports the vampire rights amendment.
Bill: How progressive of him.
Sookie: Well, anything else you drink?
Bill: Actually, no. But you can get me a glass of red wine, so I have a reason to be here.
Sookie: Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you are!

Sookie: How old are you? Am I allowed to ask that?
Bill: I was made vampire in 1865, when I was thirty human years old.
Sookie: Wow, you look older than that.
Bill: Life was harder then.
Sookie: Were you in the Civil War?
Bill: I was.
Sookie: Would you be willing to come and talk to my grandmother's club? It's mostly a bunch of old people who had family in the war. They call themselves Descendants of the Glorious Dead.
Bill: [incensed] The glorious dead? There is nothing glorious about dying in a war. A bunch of starving, freezing boys killing each other so the rich people can stay rich? Madness.
Sookie: [pause] I'm sure it was awful.
Bill: Would it make you happy if I did this?
Sookie: Oh, it would make my grandmother ecstatic.
Bill: Would it make you happy?
Sookie: Well... yes.
Bill: I'll do it then. I look forward to meeting your grandmother. When may I call on you?
Sookie: I'm off work tomorrow.
Bill: Just after dark then.

Sookie: I think we need to stop seeing each other.
Bill: Why?!
Sookie: Because you don't breathe. You don't have any electrical whatever it is. Your friends would like nothing more than to rip my throat out and because vampires killed that preacher from the fellowship of the sun church and his wife and baby! You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it?
Bill: Human have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsible for that.
Sookie: Bill, night before last I had to bury my bloody clothes because I didn't want my grandmother to find out I was almost killed, and tonight I was almost killed again! Why on earth would I continue seeing you?
Bill: Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with.

Sookie: You said you could glamour somebody into letting you bite them? What is that? Hypnosis?
Bill: Kinda. It's similar. All humans are susceptible to it.
Sookie: Have you done it to me?
Bill: No, and I never will.
Sookie: Really? Try it.
Bill: No. I don't feel comfortable with that.
Sookie: You chicken?
Bill: [stops walking and stares intensely into her eyes, whispers] Sookie?
Sookie: [whispers] Yes?
Bill: Can you feel my influence?
Sookie: [laughs] No! Not a bit! Sorry.
Bill: [confused] Sookie, this is very strange.
Sookie: You don't like not being able to control people, do you? That's not a very attractive trait, Bill.
Bill: Human are usually more squeamish about vampires than you are.
Sookie: Who am I to be squeamish about something out of the ordinary?

Tara: [about Maryann] So, collecting stray black people. That some kind of hobby of hers?
Eggs: [laughing] She's right about you. You are funny.
Tara: Oh, yeah? What else she tell you about me?
Eggs: She said you crashed your car with a gallon of whiskey in your lap.
Tara: It was vodka. Really cheap vodka.
Eggs: Hey, I'm not judging you... Believe me. When Maryann found me, I was... let's just say I was a hell of a lot worse off than you. She's a miracle worker. You'll see.
Tara: Yeah, well. I won't be stickin' around that long.
Eggs: It's too bad.
Tara: My momma, when she thought somethin' was too good to be true, she'd say, Satan in a Sunday hat. That's exactly what this is.
Eggs: You know it took me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder too. But there's good people in this world. Sometimes, good shit happens.

Tara: [about vampires] Do you think they're capable of lovin' a person?
Lafayette: Who knows what they're capable of.

Tara: [throwing items at Lafayette] Stupid! Fuckin! Bitch!
Lafayette: [swinging baseball bat] Bring it on, hooker! I was all parish in high school.

Tara: School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to them, I figure I'd save my money and just read to myself.

Tara: Sookie?
Sookie: [wakes up, medicated] Tara. You look so pretty. Like someone turned on a light under your skin.
Sam: [smiling] Hospital gave her pain meds. She's... she's a little loopy.
Tara: [in tears] Didn't you listen when I said I'd lose my shit if anything ever happened to you?
Sookie: Don't lose your shit. I'm fine. Did Sam tell you he saved my life? He turned into a dog and bit Rene.
Lafayette: [laughs] Well, shit. I'm gonna need some of them drugs they gave you.
Sam: Okay, you guys. We should let her rest.
Sookie: Sam, you should let people see the real you. Cause you're kind, brave. There's nothin there not to love.
Sam: [smiles and winks] Right back at you.

Tara: Why didn't you tell me you were going out with Sam?
Sookie: Because it just happened and how did you know?
Tara: Arlene. She works fast.
Sookie: All he did was ask me to the DGD tonight and besides it's in a church. And why shouldn't I? He's perfectly nice, he's got a good job, and he's not a vampire! And why, why do I have to justify this to you?
Tara: I'm entitled to know what my girl's up to, aren't I?

Woman on the phone: [ranting over the phone] You will go to hell for this!
Adele Stackhouse: Alright, same to you. Bye now.

[at Fangtasia, about Jessica]
Eric: She's your punishment, not mine. What am I supposed to do with her?
Jessica: Excuse me! I can hear you, mister rude! I wanna go to the bar. I wanna be one of those dancers. I'm hungry.
Bill: She won't listen to me! It will take more time than I have to teach her obedience.
Jessica: I don't obey anybody! Those days are over.
Eric: Can't handle one little girl, Bill? New ones can be like this. Man up my friend. She's not even one night old.
Bill: That is not the issue!
Eric: [to Jessica] You want to stay with you maker, don't you?
Jessica: No, he's a dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!... You're cute. Can I sit in your lap?
Eric: No.
Jessica: Why? Nobody let's me have any fun. Fuckers!
Eric: [to Jessica] Sit down and shut up! Close the door. [turning to Bill] See, you have to be tough with them or they'll walk all over you.
Bill: I am well aware of that, but you can see how she is and there are urgent matters to which I must attend!
Eric: Sookie Stackhouse? Haven't you done enough for her?
Bill: If any harm were to come to her because of my absence, you would be...
Eric: [looks at Bill threateningly] What?
Bill: Without her helpful skills.
Jessica: Let me out! I wanna do something bad!
Bill: I would be in your debt. I would return the favor.
Eric: Oh, yes you will. You most definitely will. Jessica!
Jessica: You don't have to yell at me!
Eric: How would you like to learn how a real vampire feeds?
Jessica: Oh yes sir. Please sir.
Eric: [to Bill] See? It's really quite easy.

[Customer snaps his fingers to get Tara's attention for a drink]
Tara: Uh-uh! Do - do not snap at me. I have a name. And that name is Tara. Ain't that some fucked up shit, a black girl being named after a plantation? [laughs softly and then glares] No I don't think it's funny at all. In fact it really pisses me off that my momma was either stupid or just plain mean. Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight.
Customer: Sorry ma'am.

[Discussing hookers who specialize in vampires]
Gran: Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?
Jason: A thousand bucks.
Sookie: See, now that just makes me sick.
Gran: I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?
Sookie: No, it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips.

[Jessica enters the room]
Jessica: Hi Daddy.
[Eric and Pam enter the room]
Bill: What is this?
Eric: There are favors, and there are favors.
Pam: She is extremely annoying.
Bill: You can't do this! We had a deal!
Eric: Yeah, well now the terms have changed. She's yours. Unless you want to give me Sookie...
[Bill and Eric bare their fangs]
Eric: [Eric laughs] It's just a suggestion. [Eric retracts his fangs] Though a few nights with this one may change your mind.
[Eric begins to leave]
Pam: Good luck.
Eric: [in Swedish] O du ljuva frihet. (Oh sweet freedom)
[Pam laughs]
Season 2