Bartlet: Are you a horseman Bob? I'm looking at your boots.
Russell: Oh, I love to ride.... No, I wear these boots, um... Oh, I could give you some crap about remembering my roots, but I wear these because I've got flat feet and they don't hurt my arches.

Bartlet: C.J., let me tell you something, don't ever ever underestimate the will of a grandfather. We're madmen, we don't give a damn, we got here before you and they'll be here after. We'll make enemies, we'll break laws, we'll break bones, but you will not mess with the grandchildren.
Leo: There was quite a bit of sugar in the creme' d'caramel.

Bartlet: Can I tell you what's messed up about James Bond?
Charlie: Nothing.
Bartlet: Shaken, not stirred, will get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth. The reason you stir it with a special spoon is so not to chip the ice. James is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it.

Bartlet: Charlie! Would you pull the first lady out of whatever it is she's doing?
Charlie: She's with the women's caucus.
Bartlet: Well put on a helmet and pads and get in there.

Bartlet: Charlie!
Charlie: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: Can I have a couple of aspirin or a weapon of some kind to kill people with?

Bartlet: Charlie, I wanna hire a woman whose voice I think would fit in nicely around here. She's a conservative Republican. You think I should do it?
Charlie: Absolutely, Mr. President, cause I'm told that theirs is the party of inclusion.

Bartlet: Charlie, I'm gonna change my mind again on the Bible.
Charlie: [ironically] Mr. President, you have to imagine my utter surprise.
Bartlet: Aren't you afraid that one day I'm just gonna kick your ass like it's never been kicked?

Bartlet: Charlie, when they close the book on me and you, it will say that at this moment you were not there for me. And for that, obviously, there will be some kind of punishment.
Charlie: Well, you could sing Puccini for me again, Mr. President, and we'll call it even.

Bartlet: Damn it! How the hell did it happen?
Leo: It was bad intelligence, sir.
Bartlet: You think?
Leo: Ferente left behind a radio and a soldier at the outpost. And they were deliberately sending us misinformation.
Bartlet: We never anticipated they somebody might try that? We weren't prepared for someone to try and outfox us with a stratagem so sophisticated it's an entire generation behind "Hey look, your shoelaces are untied!?" Is that how I just lost nine guys, to a damn street gang with a ham radio?

Bartlet: Damn it, Shira, if I'm going to find the people behind this, I need access to the bomb site, access to the evidence and the cooperation of the Palestinian Authority, three things I cannot get if you keep firing missiles into Gaza!

Bartlet: Did the Celtics win last night?
Charlie: No, they got crushed.
Bartlet: 'Kay, when I say 'Did they win?' you can just say yes or no.
Charlie: They got pretty well crushed.

Bartlet: Did you have a drink yesterday?
Leo: No, sir.
Bartlet: Do you plan to have a drink today?
Leo: No, sir.
Bartlet: That's all you ever have to say to me.

Bartlet: Did you know that hardly any of the guys who landed on the moon are married to the same people they were married to before they went there?
Abbey: What?
Bartlet: I'm just saying, it could have been worse: I could have been an astronaut.
Abbey: You could not have been an astronaut.
Bartlet: I would have been a great astronaut.
Abbey: You're afraid of heights, speed, fire, and small enclosed spaces.
Bartlet: I'd have overcome it to go to the moon.
Abbey: I know you would have. [pause] There's something important I have to say. I haven't really made up my mind yet, but at the moment, I'm leaning towards voting for you.

Bartlet: Did you know that two thousand years ago a Roman citizen could walk across the face of the known world free of the fear of molestation? He could walk across the Earth unharmed, cloaked only in the protection of the words civis Romanus -- I am a Roman citizen. So great was the retribution of Rome, universally certain, should any harm befall even one of its citizens. Where was Morris's protection, or anybody else on that airplane? Where was the retribution for the families, and where is the warning to the rest of the world that Americans shall walk this Earth unharmed, lest the clenched fist of the most mighty military force in the history of mankind comes crashing down on your house?! In other words, Leo, what the hell are we doing here?!
Leo: We are behaving the way a superpower ought to behave.
Bartlet: Well our behavior has produced some crappy results, in fact I'm not a hundred per cent sure it hasn't induced it.
Leo: What are you talking about?
Bartlet: I'm talking about two hundred and eighty-six American marines in Beirut, I'm talking about Somalia, I'm talking about Nairobi-
Leo: And you think ratcheting up the body count's gonna act as a deterrent?
Bartlet: You're damn right I-
Leo: Oh, then you are just as stupid as these guys who think capital punishment is going to be a deterrent for drug kingpins. As if drug kingpins didn't live their day to day lives under the possibility of execution, and their executions are a lot less dainty than ours and tend to take place without the bother and expense of due process. So, my friend, if you want to start using American military strength as the arm of the Lord, you can do that. We're the only superpower left. You can conquer the world, like Charlemagne! But you better be prepared to kill everyone. And you better start with me, because I will raise up an army against you and I will beat you!
Bartlet: He had a ten day old baby at home.
Leo: I know.
Bartlet: We are doing nothing.
Leo: We are not doing nothing.
Bartlet: We're destroying-
Leo: Four high-rated military targets!
Bartlet: And this is good?
Leo: Of course it's not good. There is no good. It's what there is! It's how you behave if you're the most powerful nation in the world. It's proportional, it's reasonable, it's responsible, it's merciful! It's not nothing. Four high-rated military targets.
Bartlet: Which they'll rebuild again in six months.
Leo: Then we'll blow 'em up again in six months! We're getting really good at it... It's what our fathers taught us.
Bartlet: Why didn't you say so? Oh, Leo...when I think of all the work you put in to get me to run and all the work you did to get me elected...I could pummel your ass with a baseball bat.

Bartlet: Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn't hitting on her when she gave her her underwear.
Leo: Yeah, that's because I made fun of her shoes and Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan and Donna went to clear up the mix up and accidentally left her underwear.
Bartlet: There can't possibly be nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan...
Leo: Mr. President, please don't wade hip deep into this story.