Seth: It's a good story, Ryan. It's the story of two young men who could not be more different, but eventually they learn to overcome their differences and team up, kind of like brothers. Not entirely unlike you and me. Except that I blew it.

Seth: Just need to talk to you. Girl stuff.
Sandy: Well, you've come to the master. [Kirsten snickers] Hey, I got you.
Kirsten: I was young, impressionable and drunk.
Seth: Only child... Right here.

Seth: Listen, man, this is a good time for you, okay, Ryan Atwood. This is clean-slate Ryan. Finally you have no women to protect from violent goateed factory workers or pill-popping manic depressives.
Ryan: I guess you're right, I guess I really do have a clean slate.
Seth: You do! Dude, since day one of you getting here it has been nothing but lady drama with you: Marissa, Theresa, Luke, Oliver, Eddie... dude, I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it.
Ryan: I am kinda tired.
Seth: You should be! And you know what, you're gonna get a break, 'cause you deserve it. I think I'm going to declare this month... Angst-Free Ryan Month.
Ryan: Month? You think it's going to last a month?
Seth: Angst-Free Ryan Week. With an option for an additional week if you like it.
Ryan: Okay! Thanks, bud.

Seth: Maybe they're not having sex. Maybe they just go to a motel to spoon and watch Charlie Rose.

Seth: Mom, Hailey made three different kinds of pancakes and waffles. They're deliciously redundant.

Seth: My Jew-fro is frizzing out. I look like Screech.

Seth: Not now, Mom. I'm studying naked.
Summer: Eww.
Seth: Summer?
Summer: What kind of family do you have, Cohen?
Seth: The kind where mothers and sons always wear clothing. Even in the shower.

Seth: Nothing says Thanksgiving like Moo Shu Pork.

Seth: Oh, I get it. I'm just here for the comic relief.

Seth: Oh, wow, I'm sorry. I should really learn to knock. In case there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.

Seth: Okay, that's a lot of genitalia in my pool.

Seth: Oy humbug.

Seth: Right on. I'm hoping for a little Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, maybe Kate Bosworth myself. [Summer hits him] Ow! What? It's okay for you to pine over Legolas?
Summer: Yeah, he's an elf. He saved Middle-Earth. That is a huge part of European history.

Seth: Ryan, that's extremely minty of you. I didn't even know they had musicals in Chino. I didn't even know they had dancing, or... laughter.
Ryan: That's because no one who lived there is as funny as you.
Seth: So, we finally agree I'm the funny one. Well, look at that! Looks like we all learned some valuable lessons this Thanksgiving.

Seth: Separate seats, you guys. There's no sex in the Champagne Room.