Richard: Mind if I use your bathroom?
Christine: Oh.
Richard: I got to make a pit stop, not a full pit stop just an oil change. I'm going to pee.

Richard: What am I doing?!
Matthew: Apparently my sister.

Ritchie: What's intercourse?
Matthew: Something to do with golf. You should ask your mom.
Ritchie: Does mom golf?
Matthew: She's been known to hit the links.

Ritchie: Why is everyone's car so much bigger than ours?
Christine: Because they don't believe in themselves.
Richie: Do we believe in ourselves?
Christine: [shrugs] Look at our car.

[Christine is trying desperately to get into a sold out Rolling Stones concert]
Christine: Sir, uh, I'm sorry, let me just explain to you my situation. Okay, my nine-year-old is in there with his father and his new girlfriend, and there's a very strong possibility that he's gonna let him go to the bathroom on his own.
Ticket Window Clerk: I'm so sorry. I didn't, I didn't know. We keep two emergency tickets available for situations like this. Is the fourth row okay?
Christine: That would be great.
Ticket Window Clerk: OK, uh let me just get those for you. [looking questioningly around the booth] Where do we keep them? Duh, they're right here! [he reaches up and slams the window blind shut in her face]
Christine: He's not getting the tickets?
Matthew: Uh, no, sweetie, he's not.