Alfredo: If I loved you... Then I would love you in any way I could, and if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty... And if I went blind, I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind...

Aunt Vivian: Pies for breakfast always remind me of Mother.
Aunt Lily: Vermouth always reminds me of Mother.

Chuck: [regarding Emerson] Is he upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life?
Ned: He barely knows you're here.
Narrator: In fact, Emerson had finished knitting a sweater vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.

Chuck: Follow the yellow thick hose!
Ned: Follow the yellow thick hose?

Chuck: I don't know, but hurry up and open if before he comes back! What if he changes when his blood sugar level drops?
Olive: Maybe like a hypoglycemic werewolf!

Chuck: You can't just touch someone's life and just be done with it.
Ned: Yes I can. That's how I roll.

Deedee: Hey, Charlotte!
Chuck: Hey, Deedee.
Deedee: Now, how'd I know you'd be the first person I'd see when I got to...? Is this...? Which one is this?
Chuck: This is neither. Well, maybe it's both, but, listen, this is the deal: you get to talk for, like, a minute, we're gonna catch up, and then you're not talking anymore.
Deedee: Does everyone get to do this? 'Cause, girl, we gotta break it down.
Chuck: Did you know I was gonna get killed?
Deedee: I thought there might be the possibility, yes. I'm real sorry about that. I probably should've said something. But to be honest, and really, why not, at this point, if it were safe, I would've done it myself. God, this is fantastic! Being honest is fun!

Emerson: [takes Ned aside] What is the rate of exchange on the life of a bird? 'Cause if it's equal to or greater than mine, I need to get back to my car.

Emerson: Check please.
Olive: [slams two large wads of cash down on Emerson's table]
Emerson: Or cash. Cash is good. [grabs money, puts it on his lap]
Olive: I want to hire you. Technically, I already have, since you were so grabby with the cash.
Emerson: Think of it as an escrow between my thighs.

Emerson: Death by scratch and sniff. What the hell happened to people shooting each other with guns?

Emerson: Dreams are just your brain processing random rigmarole it couldn't find a place for: it don't mean nothin'. Except you feel guilty about kissing Olive when you want to be kissing some dead girl you can't.

Emerson: I love you, shovel.

Emerson: I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry God.

Emerson: If I'd wanted to hang out with geeks in leotards, I would've stayed in art school.

Emerson: Lookit here... You need a ticket to ride this ride, and if your ticket gets punched then you gotta take somebody else's ticket.
Ned: Why are you still talking?!
Emerson: I'm ripping off the band-aid!
Ned: I'm not a ripper. I pull up a corner a little at a time and then I run it under warm water and I pull it a little bit more. It's a process!
Emerson: Let 'er rip.