Julia: Do you ever think about them Bailey?
Bailey: Yeah, of course I do.
Julia: Well why don't we ever talk about them. I mean why don't we ever talk about it?
Bailey: I don't know maybe we feel like we have to put on this brave face for Claud and Owen. But maybe that's stupid. Maybe we should talk about it. Maybe it would help.
Julia: Sometimes I wonder if these feelings are ever gonna go away.
Bailey: I don't know, I hope someday they will.

Bailey: [to Owen] Listen just to keep you up to date, and don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going crazy here. So unless I come up with some kind of nanny soon, I'm gonna have to sell you off to white slave traders. Now I know that's not how you pictured yourself growing up, but hey welcome to the club. Sleep well.

Bailey: [to Charlie] We'll give up whatever we have to to get by and we'll let everyone think you're this great guy just trying to hold his family together, who's like a father to us, even if we know it's a lie.

Charlie: Julia get down here now, family meeting. Me and Doug and a friend of his were gonna by into this co-op. We were gonna fix it up and sell it. The whole thing was gonna take a month tops. We would have doubled our money no questions asked. Except the guy took the money and split.
Bailey: How much money did you lose, Charlie?
Charlie: 12 [long pause] thousand.
Julia: Of your own money right?
Bailey: So much for your lectures on responsibility. Is this why you wanted control of all the accounts so you could blow it all yourself?

[Bailey discovers that the phone was turned off]
Charlie: Why didn't you pay the phone bill?
Bailey: Why didn't I pay the phone bill? Why didn't I pay the phone bill??

Claudia: This wouldn't have happened if Mom and Dad were here. Why aren't they here?

Claudia: You can't tell me what to do.
Charlie: Oh yes I can, read the guardianship agreement.
Bailey: Oh, would you shut up about that already, Charlie? A piece of paper does NOT make you a parent.

Bailey: [about his crush on Kirsten] Any suggestions?
Will: Yeah. Snap out of it. Do you have any clue how to analyze the poem "To His Coy Mistress" in terms of its theme, metaphor, imagery and meter?
Bailey: Not off the top of my head.
Will: Well you better figure it out, cause if you spend the next 3 days mooning over this babysitter and blow this paper, you get put on academic probation and get benched from the team, and we lose another game. Ten other guys are gonna come to your house and do a job on your face so no girl will find you attractive again, OK?

Charlie: Listen I got this idea. It says here there's a new band at the Armory and they're supposed to be really hot and I get off from the bar early. You free?
Kirsten: There must be something in the water. Suddenly everybody's interested in my social schedule. Actually I got 2 front row tickets to Liz Phair tonight.
Charlie: OK, that's just as good.
Kirsten: I'm going with George. He got them through his law firm.
Charlie: I can't believe you're going out with a lawyer. I mean isn't that kind of button down for you?
Kirsten: No, it's kind of perfect. The truth is I kind of owe it all to you. If you hadn't bailed out on me a couple of weeks ago, George and I might have never hooked up.
Charlie: If I could bring one ray of sunshine into your life...
Kirsten: You know, I thought we had something going Charlie, but you kind of weirded-out on me.
Charlie: I was trying to be a lot nobler then I actually am.
Kirsten: I'm not following you.
Charlie: Never mind it'll never happen again.

Girl: So we party on the street corner? Please.
Julia: Wait a minute. You just need a place?
[Girl nods]
Julia: I know a big house, zero hassles, total freedom and immediate occupancy.
Girl: Are you kidding? Are you serious?
Julia: You want to say 7:00?

Mr. Harlen: Charlie Salinger... you didn't set fire to the boys bathroom again did you?
Charlie: Hey Mr. Harlen.
Mrs. Peterson: Oh my goodness, if it isn't Charlie Salinger.
Charlie: Hey Mrs. Peterson.
Mrs. Peterson: We still talk about the peephole in the girls lockerroom.

Grunge Kid: You really got to let yourself loose. I practically got trampled to death at a Beastie Boys concert.
Julia: Oh, really?
Grunge Kid: It was totally cool when you're this close to having your skull crushed by a skinhead wearing a pair of Doc Martens. You know you're alive on the planet you know?

Bailey: Girls switch boyfriends all the time.
Will: Well what are you going to do? Just call her up and tell her to break up with him? And go out with you instead?
Bailey: No, I'm gonna, you know... I'm just gonna... hang around her a lot.
Claudia: Yeah, you know... Just be there all the time.
Bailey: Yeah.
Will: Gee, why didn't I think of that.
Bailey: And then you know, eventually she'll fall for me.
Claudia: Like a ton of bricks.
Will: And why is that again?
Claudia: Duh... He's Bailey.

Bailey: Hey Charlie, you ever get the feeling the Gods just don't like us?
Charlie: All the time, Bay, all the time.

Charlie: You know what?
Kirsten: What?
Charlie: Nothing. It's, it's stupid.
Kirsten: Tell me..
Charlie: I, um... I used to get dragged to church when I was little and uh... I hated it. So I'd just stare at the angels on the ceiling and they always had this... beautiful golden hair like yours. So you just reminded me of an angel, I guess.
Kirsten: That's really nice.