Ray Carling: Oh my Lord. Take a look at this.
[A line of policemen wearing washing up gloves and Sam Tyler instructing them]
Sam Tyler: Okay, fingertip search. Off you go, lads. Like I showed you. In a line, slowly. In a line!
Ray Carling: [singing] Now, hands that do dishes can feel [Chris and two other policemen join in] soft as your face -
Policeman: Piss off!
Ray Carling, Chris Skelton and two other police officers: With mild green Fairy Liquid.

Ray Carling: So how'd your date go?
Chris Skelton: Oh...I-I won't be seeing her again.
Ray Carling: Don't tell me. Upstairs outside and you got a slap!

Ray Carling: Steady Gov, we don't want another of those enquiries!

Sam Tyler: I was just dreaming.
Gene Hunt: What I call a dream involves Diana Dors and a bottle of chip oil! That's what you call a guilty conscience, my friend.
Sam Tyler: What?
Gene Hunt: The root of nightmares.
Sam Tyler: My conscience is clear, thank you very much.
Gene Hunt: Yeah, well, as for me, I slept like a baby! [Flops back down onto the bed]
Sam Tyler: Yeah, a twenty stone baby. Burps, snores and farts.
Gene Hunt: [sitting bolt upright] I do NOT snore!

Sam Tyler: I went someplace mum and every day I woke up in that place and I told myself ��I'm alive' and I was. In some ways more than I've ever been. You know, a barman [laughs] a barman once told me that you know when you're alive because you can feel and you know when you're not because you don't feel anything. I made a promise mum; I made a promise to someone who I care about very much.
Ruth Tyler: Then you've got nothing to worry about because you always keep your promises.

Sam Tyler: [about Gene's 'wife' at the wife-swapping party] Where'd she come from?
Gene Hunt: Suki? Let her off an arrest last week for lewd behaviour. She owed me.
Sam Tyler: She's a prostitute?
Suki: I am here, you know!
Gene Hunt: Well, you didn't think I was gonna fetch me own wife here, did you?!

Sam Tyler: [grabs Gene as he enters the room with a usual comment] And as for you, I can just about handle you, driving like a pissed up crackhead and treating women like beanbags. But I'm going to say this once, and once only, Gene. Stay out of Camberwick Green!
[Gene Hunt passes Sam a ransom note]

Sam Tyler: [watching the the team trying to figure out the murder, Annie is looking through files and Gene, Ray and Chris are at Lambs' house. Chris is searching for the warning that Simon Lamb was given] Chris. Think. Step back. God is in the detail.

Sam Tyler: And with time slipping away, do we really want to put all our eggs in the same basket. If the kidnapper's still at large we might be able to lure him out.
Gene Hunt: How?
Sam Tyler: That note was a cry for justice.
Gene Hunt: And I ask again, only slightly louder, HOW?!!!

Sam Tyler: Chris. This is serious.
Ray Carling: So where do you want this transmitter?
Sam Tyler: Up here
Gene Hunt: Chris, bend down.
Chris Skelton: What for?
Gene Hunt: Just do it
[Chris bends over to give Gene a step up]
Sam Tyler: Right, look...
[A police car with sirens on shoots past outside]
Ray Carling: [alarmed] The law! The law!
Gene Hunt: Get down you divs!
[Everyone ducks down, before Sam reappears when the car has gone]

Sam Tyler: Does that actually help?
[Gene offers Sam the flask, to which Sam takes a swig of the drink]
Sam Tyler: Y'know I might know how to cheer him up.
[Cut to a nurse walking from the hospital beds and another nurse travelling to see the disturbance in one of the hospital beds. She finds Sam sitting in a chair smoking, reading a newspaper and Gene lying on the bed next to Ravi, drinking]
Nurse: Keep it down or I'll call the police.
[Sam and Gene laugh and Ravi wakes up, sighs and goes back to sleep, as Sam and Gene continue laughing]

Sam Tyler: Gene...not to come over all 'Dorothy', but I could help you. Everyone's traceable, even in this day and age. I could help you find your brother.
Gene Hunt: I already did, Sam. Just not in time.
[Gene takes a swig of his drink]

Sam Tyler: Have you got a shred of humanity left? It doesn't matter how bad you are, no-one should have their nose rubbed into their brother's death.
Gene Hunt: I had a brother. Some bastard with Speed took him. I tried to get him off it. I tried everything, but he didn't want to be helped. We had an argument and he left. No-one's seen him in 10 years. Drugs eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke.
Sam Tyler: Y'know, people take drugs, often because something's missing.
Gene Hunt: [Taking a swig of his drink] We were brought up the same and I'm fine. I mean, dad used to get fist heavy when he was loose but me and Stu stuck by each other through that.
[Sam puts his arm on Gene's shoulder]

Sam Tyler: I still think we need to entertain the possibility that this could be a racial killing..
Gene Hunt: Oh, well let's entertain it, let's take it out for a prawn cocktail, a steak and a bottle of Liebfraumilch, then let's kick it into the gutter where it belongs!
[Speaking to a White Supremacist after he claims himself superior]

Sam Tyler: I think she's telling the truth.
Gene Hunt: I think she's as fake as a tranny's fanny.