Lawyer: I am so sorry. My apologies, we're so busy today. It's good to see all of you.
Dennis: That's quite all right, sir. Don't worry about it. Listen, would now be a good time to say a few words about my wonderfully warm and caring mother?
Dee: No, just get to the reading part.
Frank: Get on with it, man. Let's go.
Lawyer: All right. Uh, which one of you, uh, is Frank Reynolds?
Frank: Yo!
Lawyer: OK, uh, Frank, I have something here I need to read to you from Barbara. [reading] "Frank, if your fat monkey heart is still beating, then congratulations. I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children."
Dennis: What?!
Dee: What?!
Frank: Bruce Mathis?!
Lawyer: [reading] "A handsome man with a beautiful soul and a nicer penis."
Frank: You're giving all of my money to that jerk-off!?
Lawyer: You know, Mr. Reynolds, I'm reading what's on the document.
Dee: Why are you giving it to him?!
Lawyer: I'm not--
Dee: She barely even knew him!
Lawyer: Yeah, I'm not giving any money to anybody, you see. I'm just reading what's on a will.
Frank: Where is that rat bastard?!
Lawyer: Sir, I don't know!
Frank: 'Cuz I wanna smash his face, until he's dead--killed dead!
Dennis: Frank, would you forget about Bruce?! Mom just gave away all of our money!
Lawyer: You know what, we should just move forward, OK? [reading] "For my darling son, Dennis...presumably." [motioning to Dennis] "I give you my house."
Dennis: Yeah, OK... well yeah, now it's starting to make sense. Read on.
Lawyer: "...on the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in."
Dennis: I would never let him in.
Frank: What?!
Lawyer: Deandra?
Dee: Yes.
Lawyer: "You get nothing. You were a disappointment and a mistake."
Dee: A mistake? We're twins.
Lawyer: Yeah...
Dee: We were born at the same time. What are you talking about? You're not making any sense.
Frank: Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense!
Lawyer: Okay, I'm reading the words that someone else wrote, 'kay? I don't know your mom, never met your mom. In fact, I'm certainly not speaking to your mom now, because she's dead!
Dee: Yeah, we know she's dead. We're venting because we're frustrated.
Frank: You tell her, she's a goddamned whore--always been a whore!
Dee: Whoa whoa, what about jewelry? Does it say anything about jewelry?
Lawyer: It does say something about the jewelry in here, in that um, she wants to be buried in it.
Dee: Goddamnit... oh goddamnit!
Frank: Oh! Oh! She's taking it into the grave!
Dee: Tell you what, you son of a bitch, I'm very disappointed in you today--very upset with you! You tell her from me, that I will be in touch with her, somehow...
Frank: Yeah, tell her she's a bitch!
Lawyer: These are awkward situations, often, and I know it can be difficult...
Dennis: [whispering to the lawyer as Frank and Dee leave] Hey, thanks for the house, dude.
Lawyer: You know...[awkwardly "bumping fists" with Dennis] You know, I didn't give you the house...that's not how this whole situation works...
Dennis: [gleefully] Yes you did! [laughs]
Lawyer: Mmm-hmm, 'kay.
[Dennis leaves]
Lawyer: [to himself] Jesus Christ.
Dennis: That's quite all right, sir. Don't worry about it. Listen, would now be a good time to say a few words about my wonderfully warm and caring mother?
Dee: No, just get to the reading part.
Frank: Get on with it, man. Let's go.
Lawyer: All right. Uh, which one of you, uh, is Frank Reynolds?
Frank: Yo!
Lawyer: OK, uh, Frank, I have something here I need to read to you from Barbara. [reading] "Frank, if your fat monkey heart is still beating, then congratulations. I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children."
Dennis: What?!
Dee: What?!
Frank: Bruce Mathis?!
Lawyer: [reading] "A handsome man with a beautiful soul and a nicer penis."
Frank: You're giving all of my money to that jerk-off!?
Lawyer: You know, Mr. Reynolds, I'm reading what's on the document.
Dee: Why are you giving it to him?!
Lawyer: I'm not--
Dee: She barely even knew him!
Lawyer: Yeah, I'm not giving any money to anybody, you see. I'm just reading what's on a will.
Frank: Where is that rat bastard?!
Lawyer: Sir, I don't know!
Frank: 'Cuz I wanna smash his face, until he's dead--killed dead!
Dennis: Frank, would you forget about Bruce?! Mom just gave away all of our money!
Lawyer: You know what, we should just move forward, OK? [reading] "For my darling son, Dennis...presumably." [motioning to Dennis] "I give you my house."
Dennis: Yeah, OK... well yeah, now it's starting to make sense. Read on.
Lawyer: "...on the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in."
Dennis: I would never let him in.
Frank: What?!
Lawyer: Deandra?
Dee: Yes.
Lawyer: "You get nothing. You were a disappointment and a mistake."
Dee: A mistake? We're twins.
Lawyer: Yeah...
Dee: We were born at the same time. What are you talking about? You're not making any sense.
Frank: Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense!
Lawyer: Okay, I'm reading the words that someone else wrote, 'kay? I don't know your mom, never met your mom. In fact, I'm certainly not speaking to your mom now, because she's dead!
Dee: Yeah, we know she's dead. We're venting because we're frustrated.
Frank: You tell her, she's a goddamned whore--always been a whore!
Dee: Whoa whoa, what about jewelry? Does it say anything about jewelry?
Lawyer: It does say something about the jewelry in here, in that um, she wants to be buried in it.
Dee: Goddamnit... oh goddamnit!
Frank: Oh! Oh! She's taking it into the grave!
Dee: Tell you what, you son of a bitch, I'm very disappointed in you today--very upset with you! You tell her from me, that I will be in touch with her, somehow...
Frank: Yeah, tell her she's a bitch!
Lawyer: These are awkward situations, often, and I know it can be difficult...
Dennis: [whispering to the lawyer as Frank and Dee leave] Hey, thanks for the house, dude.
Lawyer: You know...[awkwardly "bumping fists" with Dennis] You know, I didn't give you the house...that's not how this whole situation works...
Dennis: [gleefully] Yes you did! [laughs]
Lawyer: Mmm-hmm, 'kay.
[Dennis leaves]
Lawyer: [to himself] Jesus Christ.
Lawyer : I am so sorry. My apologies, we're so busy today. It's good to see all of you.
Dennis : That's quite all right, sir. Don't worry about it. Listen, would now be a good time to say a few words about my wonderfully warm and caring mother?
Dee : No, just get to the reading part.
Frank : Get on with it, man. Let's go.
Lawyer : All right. Uh, which one of you, uh, is Frank Reynolds?
Frank : Yo!
Lawyer : OK, uh, Frank, I have something here I need to read to you from Barbara. [reading] "Frank, if your fat monkey heart is still beating, then congratulations. I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children."
Dennis : What?!
Dee : What?!
Frank : Bruce Mathis?!
Lawyer : [reading] "A handsome man with a beautiful soul and a nicer penis."
Frank : You're giving all of my money to that jerk-off!?
Lawyer : You know, Mr. Reynolds, I'm reading what's on the document.
Dee : Why are you giving it to him?!
Lawyer : I'm not--
Dee : She barely even knew him!
Lawyer : Yeah, I'm not giving any money to anybody, you see. I'm just reading what's on a will.
Frank : Where is that rat bastard?!
Lawyer : Sir, I don't know!
Frank : 'Cuz I wanna smash his face, until he's dead--killed dead!
Dennis : Frank, would you forget about Bruce?! Mom just gave away all of our money!
Lawyer : You know what, we should just move forward, OK? [reading] "For my darling son, Dennis...presumably." [motioning to Dennis] "I give you my house."
Dennis : Yeah, OK... well yeah, now it's starting to make sense. Read on.
Lawyer : "...on the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in."
Dennis : I would never let him in.
Frank : What?!
Lawyer : Deandra?
Dee : Yes.
Lawyer : "You get nothing. You were a disappointment and a mistake."
Dee : A mistake? We're twins.
Lawyer : Yeah...
Dee : We were born at the same time. What are you talking about? You're not making any sense.
Frank : Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense!
Lawyer : Okay, I'm reading the words that someone else wrote, 'kay? I don't know your mom, never met your mom. In fact, I'm certainly not speaking to your mom now, because she's dead!
Dee : Yeah, we know she's dead. We're venting because we're frustrated.
Frank : You tell her, she's a goddamned whore--always been a whore!
Dee : Whoa whoa, what about jewelry? Does it say anything about jewelry?
Lawyer : It does say something about the jewelry in here, in that um, she wants to be buried in it.
Dee : Goddamnit... oh goddamnit!
Frank : Oh! Oh! She's taking it into the grave!
Dee : Tell you what, you son of a bitch, I'm very disappointed in you today-- very upset with you! You tell her from me, that I will be in touch with her, somehow...
Frank : Yeah, tell her she's a bitch!
Lawyer : These are awkward situations, often, and I know it can be difficult...
Dennis : [whispering to the lawyer as Frank and Dee leave] Hey, thanks for the house, dude.
Lawyer : You know... [awkwardly "bumping fists" with Dennis] You know, I didn't give you the house...that's not how this whole situation works...
Dennis : [gleefully] Yes you did! [laughs]
Lawyer : Mmm-hmm, 'kay.
[Dennis leaves]
Lawyer : [to himself] Jesus Christ.
http://www.tv-quotes.com/shows/its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia/quote_27882.html
