Young Nearl: I don't wanna go to the monkey hospital!
Young Xander: But Nearl wanna stay with mummy and daddy and brother Xandy!
Mrs Crews: No Xander, he's dead to us
Young Xander: (Starts crying)
Mr Crews: Now; who's for Denny's?
Young Xander: (Instantly stops crying) Grandslam!

(Antagone is gloating about her soon to be born "chitinous spawn")
Sinn: You know, I'm REALLY starting to re-think this whole "Sisterhood of Chaos" thing...
Val: What?
Sinn: Oh, not you!
Val: Yeah, cause I'm, like, totally charming!
Sinn: TOTALLY! (Antagone cackles again) Her, though...
Val: Worse than Dane Cook.

["Previously" on "Frisky Dingo"]
Sinn: I can't believe Killface fired me. Well, revenge shall be mine.
Valerie: [kicking out the painting] No! Revenge shall be mine!

[a scene from Taqu'il's latest movie Some Like It Crump begins with police sirens resounding as Taqu'il's character is lying in the backseat clutching his side, clearly bleeding from a gunshot wound]
Taqu'il [as Jimmy] Ahh.. Ah! Ah! I can't... believe that bitch shot me! You gotta take me to the hospital!
[the view changes to reveal the driver of the car, a black man, dressed as a clown in a clown suit and makeup, complete with rainbow wig and red nose]
Clown: [turning to speak to Jimmy as he is driving] You know I can't do that, Jimmy! You ain't gonna die. Say it!
Jimmy: I'm all shot up, man!
Clown: You ain't gonna diiiiieeeeee, say the freakin' woooooorrrrrds! [a smaller clown seated on the passenger side appears and honks a horn at him]
Jimmy: I ain't gonna die... I ain't gonna die... I ain't gonna die.

[After Simon attempts to re-hang a portrait of his mother up]
Killface: So just leave Lady Mom on the floor as a painful remainder of everyone I clutch to my bosom in friendship, only to feel the icy pang of betrayal as they sink their serpent's teeth into my... y'know... my bosom!
[Phillip enters, wearing a tuxedo and carrying a basket of pickles]
Phillip: [Cheerfully] Well, my ears are burnin'.
Killface: Wha... Phillip?!
Phillip: Ta-daaa!
[Icy pause]
Killface: [Stand-offish] Eager to know why you're here.
...
Killface: Have you come to gloat?
Phillip: That, and I think I might have left my Zune here. Have ya seen it?
Killface: I don't know.
Phillip: No? It's a...
Killface: No, nothing here but a profound sense of betrayal.
Phillip: ... little Zune, it's got Mp3s on it...
Killface: Oh, and back knives.
Phillip: Ah, it's no biggie, I'll just buy a new one. I'm a billionaire now, you know.
Killface: Yes, I can tell by the tuxedo.
Phillip: Yep, that's what we wear. Y'know.
Killface: ZZ Top would be proud.
Phillip: Chompa chompa.

[After Simon has broken yet another cereal bowl]
Killface: I mean it's every morning.
Watley: [Appearing from nowhere] Yeah, you gotta establish some boundaries.
[Pause]
Killface: [Coldly] Eager to know why you're here.

[After Xander threatens to power up the Annihilatrix]
Killface: Xanderby, wait!
Xander Crews: Does this thing just start like a freaking car? Retarded.
[Xander turns the key; the ignition sequence commences]
Killface: Oh my God, you've armed it!
Xander Crews: Ahhh! Why did I also do that?
Killface: What is wrong with you?!
Xander Crews: My parents never established boundaries!

[Arranging to swap the $20 billion check for the Annihilatrix key]
Xander Crews: We threw 'em! We throw 'em on three!
Killface: No, I-I think it's windy for...
Xander Crews: [Yelling quickly] One two three!
[Startled, Killface throws the check; it is caught by the wind before Xander (who didn't throw the key) can catch it]
Xander Crews: [Beat]... what the fuck, dude?!
Killface: You said throw it!
Xander Crews: Why?!... did I say that?!
Killface: 'Cause you're an idiot! And a liar! You didn't even throw yours!
[Pause]
Xander Crews: I was gonna keep them both!
Killface: You - Well, serves you right then!

[baby kicks in Antagone's womb]
Deceptatacle #1: Whoa! Oh my god, that is adorable!
Antagone: He's really getting worked up!
Deceptatacle #2: Oh yeah, definitely some activity down here.
Antagone: Can you see him, is he crowning?
Deceptatacle #2: I don't know or care what that means.
Antagone: He's gonna come soon, I can feel it!
Deceptatacle #2: You can feel that?

[Bored, Killface watches his TV]
Xander Crews (on TV): Next Question - no that's it, we're done!
Male TV Voice: Coming Up, Friends, followed by -
Killface: [Sighs, switches channel]
Female TV Voice: Betrayal, Starring Jeremy Irons-
Killface: Mm. No. [switches channel]
SpanishMale TV Voice: Si Bueno i como Barnaby Jone-
Killface: No. [switches channel]
Male TV News Voice: - Marathon, of this Old Barn-
[switches channel]
Female TV Documentary Voice: -A Bee-
[switches channel]
Darcell Jones: - Jones of Team Jaguar -
[Killface blasts his TV Screen]
Killface: Barnaby Jones. Well, mark my words, as my newish HD TV goes, so goes-[cut to the Crews building]
Xander Crews: Xander frickin' Crews! Do you see the big ass sign out there? Does it say "Stan the big dumb fat jerk liar who tried to steal my company"? No! Building's not tall enough! Yuck, you know, I'm just glad my murdered parents aren't alive to see this, and frankly, we're not too stoked about seeing it either.
Stan: You son of a bitch.
Xander Crews: Are we, Old Spice?
Old Spice: Yes!
Xander Crews: He says no. Now do it until you get it right!
Stan: MASTER CYLINDER! MASTER CYLINDER!

[Fifty minutes after the computer goes down]
Stan: No, what are the last three digits?
Xander: I don't even see the I.P. address.
Stan: It's right up...
Xander: Now I'm thinking of I.P Freely. Now I'm thinking of Ace Frehley. Stan, Ace Frehley...
Stan: Oh, for fuck's sake...
Xander: Put him in on list.
Stan: Why is the damn thing turned off?
Xander: You said shut down.
Stan: Momentarily, a half an hour ago!
Xander: Well, I didn't go to computer academy!
Stan: Oh, shut the fuck up!

[Flashback, Xander comes down from Annihilatrix in elevator]
Xander: Yeah, have fun getting the shit stomped outta you by the Xtacles when I go back to my house to get my Awesome X gear from that hooker who was living there the last time I... [check blows into his face] ...checked.

Xander: Apparently, it's been here the whole time...SUCKERS!!

[Grace Ryan is approaching the room where Xander is sleeping with a hooker.]
Grace: [opens door] What are you doing here?
Xander: [has put on the Awesome-X mask] Xan-uh, Billy- Xander Crews said I could use his place for this...
Grace: He-
Xander: ...hooker.
Grace: You know him?
Xander: We went to college together - no we didn't - get out of here. He will meet you at your place in an hour.

[in the office to Stan]
Xander: Gimme some glitter on here!
Stan: You can't fax glitter.
Xander: Well, not with that attitude.
Stan: Not with any attitude!

[Killface is examining Annihilatrix DVD]
Brent: ...Any standard DVD player.
Killface: Or any uhh... "PC", it says here?
Brent: Yes, any Personal Computer with DVD capabiliti-
Killface: GREAT SCOTT!!
Valerie: [Screams out in panic]
Brent: What?
Killface: [Laughs], "PC"...
Brent: What?
Killface: ...Stands for "Personal Computer"... I just this moment got that... VALERIE!!!
Valerie: [Screams in panic again]
Killface: It's alright if you want to laugh.
[All three are silent]
Valerie: [Nervous laugh]
Killface: Good girl.