Daniel: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken: I don't know. What are you gonna do?
Lindsay: Are you guys going to the homecoming dance?
Ken: Excuse me?
Daniel [to Lindsay] : That's funny. It's a joke, right?
Lindsay: My dad's kinda makin' me go.
Nick: Your dad's makin' you go to the dance? What's that all about?
Ken: Who's your dad? Hitler?

Neal: [to Sam] The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader. You've seen "Star Wars" 27 times. You do the math.

Nick: Check it out man, that's uh 14 mounted toms, 8 floor toms, 4 splashes, 2 gongs, 10 cowbells , 4 rides, 5 snares, a rototom rack, and it's all mounted on my infamous quadruple kick drum system. Six more pieces and I got a bigger set than Neil Peart from Rush, yeah.
Lindsay: That's great Nick.
Nick: Teachers want us to work, and I say, "Fine, I'll work. But you've gotta let me do the kind of work that I wanna do." And for me, it's my drum kit, man. This is my passion. This is the essence of who I am now. But before I had this, I was lost, too. You see what I'm saying? You need to find your reason for living. You've gotta find your big, gigantic drum kit.

Kim: Why don't you blow your nose in some bread and make me a sandwich?

Harold: I had a friend who used to smoke. Know what he's doing now? He's dead. You think smoking looks cool, let's go dig him up and see how cool he looks now.
[Later at dinner]
Harold: You know, there was a girl in our school... and she had premarital sex. Know what she did on her graduation day? Died! Of a heroin overdose!
Sam: Dad? Are any of your friends alive?
Harold: The smart ones.

Lindsay: All my new friends think I'm some goody-two-shoes and all my old friends think I'm throwing my life away. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Lindsay: Well, my house is so boring looking...so I just wanted to make it look more party-like.
Ken: Well I'll tell you how to make it look more party-like. Point me to the keg.
Nick: Oh yeah.
Lindsay: In the corner.
Ken: Then I am in the corner.

Harold: I guess you'd prefer we listen to that punk rock music I've been reading about. You know those Sex Pistols? They spit on their audience! Yep, that's what I wanna do. Spend my hard earned money to be spit on. Now that's entertainment...Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.
Harold: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.

Sam: What's non-alcoholic beer?
Bill: It's beer but without that ingredient that makes you drunk.
Neal: Alcohol?
Bill: Yeah.

Sam: Keg of beer, please.
Liquor Store Clerk: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Neal: Oh, we need a keg of non-alcoholic beer.
Liquor Store Clerk: No!
Sam: But we need it.
Liquor Store Clerk: What for?
Neal: We're gonna switch the kegs at his sister's party.
Liquor Store Clerk: Righteous!

Bill: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Hold on, I'm gonna put the phone on my bionic ear. That's--that's better. No, don't talk so loud! Don't forget, I've got bionic hearing.

Daniel: Knock it off, blondie. You're gonna blow the speakers.
Kim: Oh, I'm sorry, Grandpa. I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.

Bill: Ma'am, I hope there aren't any peanuts in these peanuts.

Harold: Last time I had this much fun, I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.

Ken: Would you quit it, you're making me sick!
Daniel: Why don't you make out with Nicky, and we'll call it a foursome?
Ken: Yeah, why don't you make out with my butt, and we'll call it love?