Bill: [after Maureen changed the menu to read "Pan Fried Butts"] How are we not supposed to be in love with her?

Bill: Fredericks? You're a turd. A stinky fat turd. Go sniff a jock strap, you poophead. You love patting boys butts. You love patting boys butts, butt. You butt patter. You're a perv, and a loser, and a stinky turd.

Bill: I don't really like jokes. I don't think they're funny.

Bill: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Hold on, I'm gonna put the phone on my bionic ear. That's--that's better. No, don't talk so loud! Don't forget, I've got bionic hearing.

Bill: Ma'am, I hope there aren't any peanuts in these peanuts.

Bill: Stop looking up my shorts.
Neal: Why would we? There's nothing to see.
Sam: Just keep climbing, Wonder Woman.
Bill: There is something to see.

Cindy: Remember when I told you I had a crush on Todd?
Sam: Yeah.
Cindy: Well I don't.
Sam: Really?
Cindy: It's more like an obsession.

Daniel: Am I a loser?
Harris: You're not a loser because you're having sex. But if you weren't having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.

Daniel: All right, fine, I'll be a dwarf, but my name is Carlos.
Bill: Carlos the dwarf?
Daniel: Yeah, you got a problem with that, Gorthon?

Daniel: I hate astrology. What, everybody born in the same month is gonna have the same life?

Daniel: Knock it off, blondie. You're gonna blow the speakers.
Kim: Oh, I'm sorry, Grandpa. I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.

Daniel: Lindsay... I think it's really great that you and Nick are going out.
Lindsay: Yeah. Me too.
Daniel: No, I mean it. Nick's a great guy. We give him a hard time, but you know... he's the man. I just think it's really great you guys are going out. He's a really great guy.
Lindsay: Yeah, I know.
Daniel: Nick's a stud. You know? I mean, he may not seem like it, but he is.
Ms. Yeats: Mr. Desario, don't you have something to do?
Daniel: Right, but I thought we were going to do that after class, Ms. Yeats.
Ms. Yeats: Oh, be still my beating heart.
Daniel: [whispers to Lindsay] I like that dress.

Daniel: Rock 'n roll don't come from your brain. It comes from your crotch.

Daniel: These jocks think they're such badasses. Like they cured cancer or something.

Daniel: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken: I don't know. What are you gonna do?
Lindsay: Are you guys going to the homecoming dance?
Ken: Excuse me?
Daniel [to Lindsay] : That's funny. It's a joke, right?
Lindsay: My dad's kinda makin' me go.
Nick: Your dad's makin' you go to the dance? What's that all about?
Ken: Who's your dad? Hitler?