Mr. Rosso: How dumb do I look?
Ken: Do you really wanna know?

Mr. Weir: We are not robots and things do not need to change. I like how things are! I like eating the same things. You know why? Because those are the things I like! I like chicken. And I like pot roast. And, that's how I feel about you Jean.
Mrs. Weir: Oh please. You like me like you like a pot roast?
Mr. Weir: I love pot roast!

Mr. Weir: You think I don't appreciate you? Well, I do. Everything I do I do to serve you. I think of you when I'm stocking fishing poles. I think of you when I'm answering questions about cross country ski wax. My whole life is about serving you. And I love you, Jean.

Neal: [to Sam] The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader. You've seen "Star Wars" 27 times. You do the math.

Neal: Being the school mascot has always been my dream.
Bill: Yeah. Since lunch.

Neal: Everyone looks cool in turtle necks. That's the point! We can't both wear them; we'll look like the Smothers Brothers!

Neal: He's a gym teacher. There's no upward mobility.

Neal: I'm just going to have my coffee now.
Bill: Is that before or after you shave?

Neal: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill: But you're not funny.
Neal: Screw you. I'm hilarious!

Neal: Oh my god! I guess Elvis hasn't left the building.
Bill: It's a Parisian night suit in case you didn't know.
Gordon: A Parisian! Ooh la la!
Neal: It's not a Parisian. It's a jumpsuit. My grandfather in Florida wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants.

Neal: So I wake up this morning, and guess what's sitting at the foot of my bed?
Bill: A turd?
Neal: Yes Bill, a turd.
Bill: Eew!
Neal: An Atari!

Neal: Tell you one thing, when I get married, I'm never going to cheat on my wife. Even if she gets old and fat.
Bill: I'd be happy just to get a wife. I don't think I want the kind that's gonna get old and fat.
Sam: I don't even know how you get one girl. How does anyone get two?

Neal: What is wrong with them? Why do they think that hitting people with towels is so funny?
Bill: If it wasn't us, it would be kind of funny.

Neil: Smooth move, Alexander Graham Bell.

Nick: Check it out man, that's uh 14 mounted toms, 8 floor toms, 4 splashes, 2 gongs, 10 cowbells , 4 rides, 5 snares, a rototom rack, and it's all mounted on my infamous quadruple kick drum system. Six more pieces and I got a bigger set than Neil Peart from Rush, yeah.
Lindsay: That's great Nick.
Nick: Teachers want us to work, and I say, "Fine, I'll work. But you've gotta let me do the kind of work that I wanna do." And for me, it's my drum kit, man. This is my passion. This is the essence of who I am now. But before I had this, I was lost, too. You see what I'm saying? You need to find your reason for living. You've gotta find your big, gigantic drum kit.