Detective Stella Bonasera: What would a woman be doing in the men's bathroom?
Detective Don Flack: I can think of several reasons. All with happier endings.

Detective Stella Bonasera: Witnesses? Sober ones anyway?
Det. Don Flack: Nah. I waited for you to get here before I started my interviews, looking forward to that by the way. I swear to you, if one of them calls me "bro"...
[Don is questioning a fraternity member with alcohol bottles taped to his hands]

Detective Stella Bonasera: You let a lady walk home drunk? What a gentleman you are.

Detective Stella Bonasera: [Reading from a piece of paper the victim had in his sock] "In my darkest moment, when all seems lost, you are at my side."
Detective Mac Taylor: [Coming up from behind] I appreciate you too, Stella.

Don Flack: Didn't appreciate that, Matt. See, this here is a new pair of pants. And I don't get uniform allowance. So I suggest you make it up to me by makin' the rest of this very easy (Flack pats down Matt). Check out what Mr. Goodwrench had in his backpocket. Set of lockpick tools.
Matt: What can I say? I'm always losin' my apartment keys.
[Flack shoves his shoulder lightly]
Flack: Hey, what did I tell you 'bout makin' things easy?

Don Flack: Get outta here. Ya gotta have a Master's degree in Chemistry just to run drugs these days.

Don Flack: Thought you had the night off.
Mac: My dinner date dumped me for a dead body.

Don Flack: You know, Mac... the uh, the Department decides to go through with their internal investigation, I'm gonna have to answer questions. All I know is what you told me when I got up to the top.
Mac Taylor: Like I told the DA, I did not toss Clay Dobson off that roof. This investigation is nothing but a big political show.
Flack: Yeah, regardless, the media's soaking the story up, and by the time they're done with it, your word may not be good enough, Mac.

Don Flack: You think Houdini knew the impact he would have on Mafia lingo?
Sheldon Hawkes: I'm sorry?
Don Flack: When they whack somebody, they say, "we made him do a Houdini". Do you think that would make him proud?
Sheldon Hawkes: Are we actually having this conversation?
Don Flack: Oh, I'm sorry. Can you explain the difference between DNA and RNA? Is that better, 'cause that's scintillating conversation right there.
Sheldon Hawkes: It would be if you knew the answer-
Rupert Flannigan: This is what your looking for, it has all three items you showed me in those photographs. You better return this though, it's a collector's item. I don't want to find out you two pulled a Houdini on me.
(Don walks away smirking)

Dr. Peyton Driscoll: [after inviting Mac to go with her on a trip] But Mac, I was thinking with everything you've been going through and because you adore me, and you do adore me, that you could take some of the seven weeks of vacation and come with me to London.
Detective Mac Taylor: You've bought the ticket?
Dr. Peyton Driscoll: [whispering] I really want you to say yes.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: All roads lead to Rome.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Autopsy results?
Detective Mac Taylor: This is a good one. A runner who somehow has frostbite on his face in 90 degree heat, who died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the middle of Central Park.
[Mac smirks, as Hawkes just looks dumbfounded]

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What are you working on?
Adam Ross: Oh, just some trace that Sid found in the crease of our vic's mouth. Mac asked me to I.D. it.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mind if I take a look?
Adam Ross: Oh, please, knock yourself out.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Looks at the slide] Are you kidding me?
Adam Ross: It's krill. Pelagic, shrimp-like crustacean of the family Euphuasiid.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: How did it get in our vic's mouth?
Adam Ross: I'm working on that. See, krill is one of the main ingredients used in salt water fish food.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: There's an aquarium in the visitor's lounge at the hospital. Nice.
[He punches Adam in the chest]

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What have we got?
Detective Stella Bonasera: A woman says she saw, what she claims was, a giant cigarette on fire, running for its life.
[a murder victim is found dressed in a cigarette costume]

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You never went home last night, huh?
Detective Mac Taylor: Looks like you didn't, either.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Hey, I've got two miles of bandages to go through. What's your excuse?