Grissom: [reading] I've killed 5 women...catch me if you can.

Grissom: [swipes a yellow substance that has dropped on the leg of a shopping cart and licks it]
Brass: Oh, that's sanitary.
Grissom: Mustard. [Glances behind, noticing a bunch of jars of mustard on the shelf] Did you have any clean-ups in this aisle today?
Store manager: Yeah, as a matter of fact, we did.
Grissom: Life holds no surprises. [Takes a jar of mustard from the shelf, checks the price and hands two dollars to the store manager] $1.98 for the mustard, plus my two cents. [Takes the jar and drops it at Brass' feet. The jar shatters, splattering mustard on Brass' shoes and pants]
Brass: What are you doing?!
Grissom: Now, where do you go?

Grissom: [to Catherine after finding a severed leg] Well Watson, the game's afoot.

Grissom: [To Greg] Are we paying you by the word?

Grissom: [To the Sheriff] You look like the Sheriff, but you talk like the Mayor.

Grissom: [yelling at Warrick] We solve these cases regardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor!

Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "what gorilla?"
Brass: That's wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I'll arrest it.

Grissom: Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick: Kind of sounds like you.

Grissom: Aborigines say they dance naked to make the gods happy.
Catherine: The gods would be happy in Vegas.

Grissom: Albert. Got a minute?
Doc Robbins: Sure. What's up?
Grissom: I'd like a second opinion.
[Next shot of them is after he checked Grissom's ear]
Doc Robbins: I wish you had come to me sooner. The condition is pretty far along. Why'd you wait?
Grissom: [sighs] I hoped it would go away.
Doc Robbins: Doesn't your mother have this condition?
Grissom: Yeah. It's hereditary. I know I wasn't rational.
Doc Robbins: Look, Gil. I'm not gonna preach to you, you came to me. But Doctor to Doctor there's a chance the bone deposits have spread into the inner ear. In which case your hearing loss will eventually be permanent. If I were you, I'd schedule surgery as soon as possible.

Grissom: And this must be Mr. Billmeyer. I'm so glad he's back.
Ecklie: Very funny.
Grissom: You might want to have Hodges analyze that cigar. Oh, and the print tech is free. He could, uh, spray the party hat with ninhydrin.
Ecklie: I think I remember how to do my job, Gil, thank you.
Grissom: I love it when you wear your gloves.

Grissom: Based on the auricular surface I'd say she died when she was about twenty.
Nick: She?
Grissom: It's in the hips. Pelvic bone is definitely female. You know, for a ladies' man you don't know much about bone structure.

Grissom: Bats are like bees, Nick. Don't bother them, and they won't bother you.
Nick: Let's not bother them... I mean it.

Grissom: By the way, the definition of the word "retard", is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded.

Grissom: Catherine. (Catherine looks at Grissom and doesn't say anything. He notices that she walked out of his office) What are you doing?
Catherine: The carnival case. I'm taking it.
Grissom: The carnival case?
Catherine: A six-year-old girl died on a ride at the carnival over on Washington. The paperwork's on your desk.
Grissom:(nods and glances at his office behind her) Did you straighten up my office while you were in there?
Catherine: You think I overstepped? ... These people come to town, they commit crimes and they leave. I just want to get there before the carnival moves on.
Grissom: Okay. Take Sara with you.
Catherine: She's meeting me there.