Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is absent.
Willow: Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it's your baby!
Buffy: Okay, I get it even less.
Xander: You know it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg, it's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.

Buffy: Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once ... I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.

Buffy: Fine, okay, I can take my lumps. For awhile.
Willow: All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time. (pause) Runaway.
Buffy: Will!
Willow: I'm sorry ... quitter.
Buffy: Whiner.
Willow: Bailer.
Buffy: Harpy.
Willow: Delinquent.
Buffy: Tramp.
Willow: Bad seed.
Buffy: Witch.
Willow: Freak.

Buffy: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
Giles: No... Yes... it was a gift.

Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs - that I "did it" with the entire Swim Team.

Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
Dr. Wilkinson: No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.
Dr. Wilkinson: She's still a little out of it.
Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.

Buffy: Hey... how've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Buffy: Hey.
Willow: Hi! How are you? You good? You look good. Anything new? Hey, did I mention you look good?
Buffy: Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you.
Willow: No, I'm not a friend, I'm a rabid dog who should be shot! But there're forces at work here! Dark, incomprehensible forces.
Buffy: And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or... the number of times that I've saved your life.
Willow: What do you want?
Buffy: Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database.
Willow: 'kay.

Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? [Pause] How long was it where you were?
Buffy: ...Longer.

Buffy: How was school today?
Dawn: The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair.
Buffy: Just how I remember it.

Buffy: I can't let you stay because of me.
Willow: Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith, things just kinda got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I-I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.
Buffy: I kind of love you.
Willow: And, besides, I have a shot at being a bad-ass Wicca, and what better place to learn?
Buffy: I feel the need for more sugar than the human body can handle.
Willow: Mochas?
Buffy: Yes please! [the two get up and walk away] It's weird. You look at something and you think you know exactly what you're seeing, and then you find out it's something else entirely.
Willow: Neat, huh?
Buffy: Sometimes it is.

Buffy: I could jam wooden things into monsters but Mom was the strong one.

Buffy: I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl?
Xander: (bitterly) You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.
Buffy: Love has nothing to do with this.
Xander: Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.

Buffy: I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.

Buffy: I don't really know how to say this, but it's a little like having Mom back.
Giles: In this scenario I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
Buffy: I'm just saying, thank you. So much.