[Giles and Buffy tour the magic shop Giles is about to buy]
Buffy: Giles, are you sure about this?
Giles: Why wouldn't I be?
Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer... and have you ever run a store before?
Giles: I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. It'll give me focus, increase my resources. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. There may even be some space for you to train in the back.
Buffy: Boy, you've really thought this through... How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
[Buffy breaks out laughing as she follows Giles into a back room]

[Giles brings a zombie cat to the library.]
Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?
Giles: We're trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I want to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.
Oz: Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches.

[Giles is singing and playing "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who at an espresso bar. Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara watch from the door, amazed. All three girls are riveted; Willow's and Anya's mouths are hanging open.]
Anya: Oh.
Willow: Wow.
Xander: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
Tara: Does he do this a lot?
Xander: [sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
Willow: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
Tara: Well, he is pretty good.
Anya: His voice is... pleasant.
Xander: [incredulous.] What?!
Willow: Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.
Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.

[In Buffy's dream]
Buffy: How did you find me here?
Angel: If I was blind, I would see you.
Buffy: Stay with me.
Angel: Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me.

[Marc has tricked Giles into getting into a craftily disguised guillotine.]
Giles: Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
Marc: No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
Giles: What exactly is the trick?
Marc: What trick?

[On the run from Glory, Giles calms the gang while they wait for Buffy to bring transportation.]
Giles: Look, everything will be alright. We just need to stay here, calm. As soon as Buffy arrives--
[A boxy, beaten-up mobile home pulls up to pick them up.]
Giles: ... we'll feel oddly worse.

[Recovering magic addict Willow is testing the burger with multicolored liquids.]
Xander: Good job, Will! Those aren't, like, potions, are they?
Willow: No. No potions. It's not magic, it's... chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is.

[Spike and Xander have found the demon that poisoned Buffy.]
Spike: Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik!
Xander: 'Cause I can't say Glarba...

[Spike is in the process of moving out of Xander's basement.]
Xander: You own nothing. This shouldn't be taking so long.
Spike: Hang on. Let a fella get organized. [picks up radio.]
Xander: That's my radio!
Spike: And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil!

[Spike is sitting on a coffin, painting his nails when Buffy comes in]
Spike: Morning sunshine, if you've come round for eggs and sausages, afraid I'm fresh out.
[Buffy pulls the top of the coffin from under him]
Spike: Careful, these are wet.

[Spike lies bleeding because of his malfunctioning control chip.]
Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode--
Spike: Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.
Buffy: [sighs] Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. [pauses] It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call?
[Buffy looks askance at him.]
Spike: God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.

[Spike meets Willow and Xander outside Buffy's house. Spike is carrying flowers]
Spike: I'm not going in.
Xander: And you're not leaving those. You really think you're going to score points with Buffy this way?
Spike: This isn't about Buffy.
Xander: Bull. We're all hip to your doomed obsession.
Spike: They're for Joyce.
Xander: Like you cared about her. [Spike moves closer to Xander]
Willow: Guys. Not here.
Spike: Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you I could stand.
Xander: And she was the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched.
Spike: I liked the lady. Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn't put on airs. And she was the only one who didn't treat me like a freak.
Xander: Her mistake.
Spike: [scoffs] Think what you want. [He throws the flowers to the ground and stomps off]
Xander: Un ... believable. The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey.
Willow: [looking at flowers] Xander... He didn't leave a card.

[Spike's attempt to get intimate with Buffy is interrupted by Tara's arrival.]
Spike: I had a... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping.
Tara: A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Spike: What? It's a thing.

[Spike, Giles, and Tara are chasing a demon through the cemetery]
Spike: Come on, I'm not going to get anything killed with you lot holding me back.
Tara: I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.
Spike: No, that's over the hill shopkeepers.
Giles: [Out of breath] I'm fine. I just need to die for a minute.
Spike: It was that powder you blew at him that made him rabbit off.
Tara: It was supposed to confuse him but it just made him peppy. Its not supposed to mix with anything. You think he's taking prescription medication?
Spike [Sarcastically]: Yeah, that must be it.
Giles: Well let's hope he doesn't handle any heavy machinery.

[Spike, having tricked Willow into inviting him into her dorm room, prepares to attack her.]
Spike: I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me.
Willow [frightened]: I'll scream!
Spike: Bonus. [moves toward Willow's neck]
...
[A short time later, Spike sits on Willow's bed, confused and disconsolate. Willow still cowers from him.]
Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me b-before.
Willow: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. [he leaps on her and draws back in pain] Ow! Oh! {he tries again] Ow! Damn it!
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me it doesn't.
Willow: It's me, isn't it?
Spike: What are you talking about?
Willow: Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't wanna bite me. I just happened to be around.
Spike: Piffle.
Willow: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "Oooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "Oh, you're such a good friend."
Spike: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Willow: Really?
Spike: Thought about it.
Willow: When?
Spike: Remember last year, you had on that, uh, fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?
Willow: I never would've guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.
Spike: Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fangy and "rrr!" Takes the mystery out.
Willow: But if you could...
Spike: If I could, yeah.
[beat]
Willow: You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.
Spike: Don't patronize me. [desperate and embarrassed]: I'm only 126!
Willow: You're being too hard on yourself. Why don't we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...
[Willow grabs a lamp, smashes it over Spike's head and tries to flee the room.]