Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Giles: You knew it was beer!
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better.

Giles: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days.
Buffy: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
Giles: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

Giles: I do speak Sumerian, it's not that. Only an experienced witch can incant it, and you have to be within striking distance of the subject.
Xander: See what you get for taking French instead of Sumerian?
Buffy: What was I thinking?
Xander: So, no problem, all we need is combo-Buffy. Her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know-how and Willow's witchy power. Yeah, don't tell me, I'm just full of helpful suggestions!
Giles: As a matter of fact you are.

Giles: I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
Willow: You'd be cranky?
Giles: Entirely.
Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."

Giles: I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
Jenny: Did you ever leave?

Giles: I've been on the phone with the museum, the artifact in question is missing and the curator has been murdered vampires.
Buffy: And you're sure this is the tomb of alfalfa.
Giles: Acathla, and yes the information provided by Kendra's Watcher seems conclusive.
Willow: Okay somebody explain the whole he will suck the world into hell thing because that's the part I'm not loving.
Giles: Well the demon universe exists in a dimension separate from our own, and one breath of Acathla will create a vortex a kind of whirlpool that will pull everything on earth into that dimension where any non-demon life will suffer horrible and eternal torment.
Buffy: So that would be the literal kind of sucked into hell. Neat. Willow I think you should try the curse.
Kendra: I tend to stand with your friend Xander on this one. Angel should be eliminated.
Buffy: Oh I'll fight him. I'll kill him if I have to, but if I Don't get there in time or I lose then Willow might be our only hope.
Willow: [nervously] But I don't want to be our only hope, I crumble under pressure, lets have another hope.
Kendra: We have. [pulls out a sword] Blessed by the knight who first slew the demon if all else fails this might stop it. [hesitantly] I think.
Giles: Oh ooh may I. [Kendra hands Giles the sword] Thank you. [examining sword] Well its only if all else fails. [to Willow] Uh uh-mm how close are you to figuring out the ritual to the curse.
Willow: Oh I need about a day, and an Orb of Thessulah, whatever that is.
Giles: Spirit vault for the undead, I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight.
Willow: This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's final.
Buffy: Oh, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to Hell by then, I won't have to take 'em... Or maybe I'll be taking them forever.

Giles: I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat. [everyone stares at him] I'm alone on that one, huh?

Giles: I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.

Giles: It may be that we are all that stands between the Earth and utter destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: [to himself as the others are walking away] The Earth is doomed.

Giles: It's not over. I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. His profile ... he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human.
Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me.
Giles: No. No no, I'm not.
Buffy: This is all my fault.
Giles: I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And, he ... he's proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are, are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.

Giles: It's, uh, you're...
Buffy: A miracle.
Giles: Yes. But then, I always thought so.

Giles: Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
Spike: Hey!
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy -
Buffy: [sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
...
Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Giles: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop.
Giles: [walks away] If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.

Giles: Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.
...
Giles: We'll get our memory back, it'll all be right as rain.
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that Nancy-boy accent. You English men are always so... bloody hell! [counting them on his fingers.] Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks. Oh god... I'm English.
Giles: Welcome to the Nancy tribe.
Spike: You don't suppose you and I...we're not related, are we?
Anya: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.
Giles: [gives her a flattered smile, then turns back to Spike] Yes, and you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity and ... disappointment. Older brother?
Spike: Father. Oh God, how I must hate you!
Giles: What did I do!?

Giles: Now wait a minute--you think I'm evil... if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and don't touch them?

Giles: Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Quite clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
[Oz comes in.]
Oz: Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.