Giles: [sadly] I just can't help but wonder if... she would have been better off without me. Buffy.
Buffybot: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.
Giles: [laughs bitterly] Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do - got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.
Buffybot: Oh, that wasn't your fault.
Giles: Of course not. That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job.
Buffybot: [innocently] Then why are you still here?

Giles: [singing] If I leave here tomorrow Would you still remember me? Well I must be traveling on now There's too many places I've got to see And if I stay here with you, girl Things just couldn't be the same 'Cause I'm as free as bird now--
[Giles suddenly shrieks as he realizes Spike is standing in the room.]
Spike: You know, for someone who's got "Watcher" on his resume', you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again.

Giles: [To Willow] Well then help me in researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, hell on Earth. Quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. [about a computer] It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. [everyone stares] That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.

Giles: A fourteen-year-old is too old to be babysat, it's not fair to her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
Buffy: [laughs] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So if you wanna trade... No wait, I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.
Giles: Robot? Sounds interesting.
Buffy: We're gonna work on it in the morning, I mean, unless you want to stay for a while, and then you and I could-
Joyce: Who wants to hear everything?
Buffy: ...listen to my Mom talk about boys.
Giles: Right. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce.
Joyce: Bye Rupert.
Joyce: [recounting her date with Brian] Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.
Buffy: I dunno, I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. It all looked pretty tame to me.
Joyce: Well, I suppose by your standards it would seem pretty... Oh, dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: [appalled] Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: Good God, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: [playfully] I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy: [running upstairs, hands over her ears] No more! No more! No more!
Joyce: [calling upstairs] On the dessert cart!
Buffy: [faintly, off screen] I can't hear you!

Giles: Be quiet. I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform.

Giles: Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
Angel: Not for a long while.
Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
Angel: I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.

Giles: Buffy, a word in your ear. If you think of the store as a library, it'll help you concentrate on your service rather than selling.
Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
Giles: [Cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, quite, yes.

Giles: Buffy, what's happened here?
Buffy: God. I don't even know where to start.
Giles: Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the magicks.
Buffy: She has. She was ... and I barely even noticed. Giles, everything's just been so... [sighs.] Xander left Anya at the altar, and Anya's a vengeance demon again... [Giles looks shocked.] Dawn's a total klepto ... money's been so tight that I've been slinging burgers at the Doublemeat Palace ... [looks down at the floor.] And I've been sleeping with Spike.
[Giles stares at her... then starts laughing. He covers his mouth with his hand but can't stop. Buffy stares at him.]
Giles: [trying to calm down.] Sorry.
[He bursts out laughing again. Buffy rolls her eyes, now just looks amused. Giles keeps laughing and slowly Buffy starts to laugh too.]
...
Giles: Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is... ask for help when you need it.
Buffy: Now you tell me.

Giles: Cordelia Chase. What did she wish for?
Anyanka: I had no idea her wish would be so exciting! 'Brave new world.' I hope she likes it.
Giles: You're gonna change it back. I'm not afraid of you. Your only power lies in the wishing.
Anyanka: Wrong! This is the real world now. This is the world we made. Isn't it wonderful?
[Giles snatches her glowing necklace and breaks free of her grasp, then grabbing a heavy object from his desk, raises his arm to smash the amulet.]
Anyanka: You trusting fool. How do you know the other world is any better than this?
Giles: Because it has to be.

Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.

Giles: God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful. However can we escape this torment?

Giles: He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but he would have none of it.

Giles: I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.

Giles: I believe that's called growing up.
Buffy: Then I'd like to stop, okay?
Giles: I know the feeling.
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
(Ford rises from the ground and attacks Buffy, she stakes him)
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.