Stewie: So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
Booth: I didn't say that.
Stewie: You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
Booth: No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
Stewie: And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.

Sweets: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?
Brennan: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.
Booth: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.
Brennan: No, relationships are temporary.
Booth: No, that's not true, Bones, you're wrong, okay? There is someone for everyone, someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, all right? You just have to be open enough to see it, that's all.

Sweets: Angela? Can I borrow you for a little while?
Angela:[excitedly] To do what with?
[Sweets stumped by Angela's tone]

Sweets: But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.
Booth: God, you know, don't say it like that.
Sweets: I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.
Booth: Saying it like that is worse.
Sweets: Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.

Sweets: Character is who you are under pressure, not who you are when everything's fine.

Sweets: It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
[...]
Sweets: The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.
Brennan: Because it's childish.
Sweets: Can we just try it, please?
[...]
Booth: Hunger.
Brennan: Sex.
Booth: Whoa.
Brennan: Horse.
Booth: Cowboy.
Brennan: Child.
Booth: Baby.
Brennan: Booth.
Booth: What, do you think I'm a baby?
Brennan: You're a father.
Booth: Oh. Mother.
Brennan: Birth.
Booth: Happy.
Brennan: Sperm.
Booth: Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
Sweets: No, keep going.
Booth: Ok. Egg.
Brennan: I want a baby.
Booth: Whoa!
Brennan: Horse.

Sweets: Mad props.
Brennan: Thanks.

Sweets: May I call you Bones in future moments of shared camaraderie?
Brennan: Don't call me Bones.
Sweets: Sure about that, Bones?
Brennan: Please, don't.

Sweets: These action figurines, they're awesome.
Booth: Still living at home there, huh, Sweets?
Sweets: No, I have my own place, and before that I lived with a woman. All right?
Brennan: Was that woman your mother?

Sweets: Um...Can I offer you a piece of advice?
Booth: Well, that's why we called you, Sweets...
Dr. Sweets: Don't try too hard to be their friends. Act like you're more interested in each other than any of them, all right? They will come to you.
Brennan: Okay, thanks, Sweets. [she hangs up]
Booth: So, uh, sex, right?
Brennan: Uh, good idea.
Booth: 'Kay.
[they start to shake the trailer]

Sweets: Well, uh, first I think it's important to find out what went wrong, why you were involved in an unsuccessful relationship.
Angela: Who said it was unsuccessful?
Sweets: You're not together anymore, are you?
Angela: Do you love your parents?
Sweets: Yes.
Angela: But you don't live together anymore, does that mean your relationship with mom and dad was unsuccessful?
Sweets: I don't think it's the same.
Angela: I do. Sometimes you have to move on, whatever your feelings.

Texas Ranger: How do you think they died?
Oklahoma Officer: They left Oklahoma, hit Texas, then died of despair.
Texas Ranger: Nope, they're definitely Oklahomans. If they were from Texas they would have had sense enough to carry water.
[...]
Booth: Twins conjoined at the ass!
Oklahoma Officer: Oh, they are definitely from Texas.

Tushman: The publishing game's changed. You know what I mean, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: No, I do not.
Booth: Try me, Mr. Tushman.
Tushman: Book writing is no longer about good writing per se. It's about marketability. A book of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.
Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick.
Brennan: That's not true, is it?
Booth: Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?

Vincent: [referring to the corpse that is being examined] Forgive me, doctors, but...is his skin moving?
Cam: Ooh...God, that's strange.
Brennan: Insect activity?
Hodgins: Never seen insects like that...'cept in Alien.
Vincent: I'm secreting adrenaline.

Vincent: Can I ask you something?
Hodgins: Is there any way to say no?
Vincent: What ever happened to whoever it was who used to work here before me?
Hodgins: He joined forces with a serial killer who was the last in the long line of cannibalistic murderers specializing in knocking off members of secret societies and building skeletons out of their body parts.
Vincent: Wow, I hope that doesn't happen to me.