Archer quotes
339 total quotes[Lana and Archer are trying to equip for their mission while all the "Drones" are on strike]
Lana: Yes, we need a code cloner! Duh!
[Archer appears, wearing night-vision goggles and carrying shovels]
Archer: These were all I could find. I'm thinking: goggles, yes; shovels, I don't know how or why we'd use them.
Lana: Yes, we need a code cloner! Duh!
[Archer appears, wearing night-vision goggles and carrying shovels]
Archer: These were all I could find. I'm thinking: goggles, yes; shovels, I don't know how or why we'd use them.
[Lana finds Archer running away from the bomb]
Lana: Where the fuck are you going?!
Archer: To get my turtleneck! I'm not diffusing a bomb in this.
Lana: Where the fuck are you going?!
Archer: To get my turtleneck! I'm not diffusing a bomb in this.
[Lana has learned of Cyril's multiple affairs during their relationship]
Lana: Okay, we've got the French chick, and Carol, and-- anybody else, Ram-bone?
Cyril: Uh, no...
["Scatterbrain" Jane walks by the open office door]
Jane: Hi, Cyril. [laughing and coughing]
Cyril: Well...
Lana: Scatterbrain Jane?! Really?
Cyril: Well, see, she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer...
Lana: Oh right, I forgot, your dick's full of radiation and mastectomy coupons.
Cyril: Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.
Lana: Yuuup.
Lana: Okay, we've got the French chick, and Carol, and-- anybody else, Ram-bone?
Cyril: Uh, no...
["Scatterbrain" Jane walks by the open office door]
Jane: Hi, Cyril. [laughing and coughing]
Cyril: Well...
Lana: Scatterbrain Jane?! Really?
Cyril: Well, see, she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer...
Lana: Oh right, I forgot, your dick's full of radiation and mastectomy coupons.
Cyril: Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.
Lana: Yuuup.
[Lana slaps Archer]
Lana: I want you to listen to me.
Archer: Then unperforate my eardrum.
Lana: Un... head up your ass.
Lana: I want you to listen to me.
Archer: Then unperforate my eardrum.
Lana: Un... head up your ass.
[Malory has revealed she may have breast cancer]
Krieger: My entire laboratory is at your disposal.
Malory: [Sarcastically] Thanks. I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.
Krieger: A What?! I don't have one of those! [Cut to a shot of Krieger killing 'Pigley'] ... Anymore.
Krieger: My entire laboratory is at your disposal.
Malory: [Sarcastically] Thanks. I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.
Krieger: A What?! I don't have one of those! [Cut to a shot of Krieger killing 'Pigley'] ... Anymore.
[Pam and Cheryl are looking at pictures of Burt Reynolds online]
Pam: I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! ... Not that you would.
Pam: I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! ... Not that you would.
[Pam has stolen Rona's journal]
Ray: Give me that! Little miss invasion of the privacy snatchers!
Pam: Oh, come on! Haven't you ever snooped on somebody you thought was dreamy?
Ray Gillette: No! Well, except Randy Muckler who, turns out, was just leading me on to get out of the draft. So, I made a phone call to the draft board and now who's laughing, Mr. Hooks for Hands? A booby trap blew his arms off.
Ray: Give me that! Little miss invasion of the privacy snatchers!
Pam: Oh, come on! Haven't you ever snooped on somebody you thought was dreamy?
Ray Gillette: No! Well, except Randy Muckler who, turns out, was just leading me on to get out of the draft. So, I made a phone call to the draft board and now who's laughing, Mr. Hooks for Hands? A booby trap blew his arms off.
[Pam's using a retina scanner]
Kidnapper: Would you hurry up?!
Pam: Hey, I'm not the one smashed my eyes into eggplants! Nutsack!
Kidnapper: Would you hurry up?!
Pam: Hey, I'm not the one smashed my eyes into eggplants! Nutsack!