Spike: [yelling after Angel] Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!
Harmony: Well, that explains a lot.

Spike: A psychotic vampire slayer.
Angel: How many times you gonna keep sayin' that?
Spike: Just tryin' to wrap my lobes around it. A psycho slayer.

Spike: Angelus? They'll let anyone in here.

Spike: Daddy, eh? I always though Wesley was grown in some sort of greenhouse for dandies.
Roger Wyndham-Pryce: Spike.
Spike: You've heard of me?
Roger Wyndham-Pryce: No, we've met. 1963, my colleagues and I fell upon you slaughtering an orphanage in Vienna. Killed 2 of my men before you escaped.
Spike: Oh...how've you been?

Spike: Don't know if you know this, but, uh, I killed my mum. Actually, I'd already killed her, and then she tried to shag me, so I had to, uh...
[Spike makes a staking motion with his hand but Wesley interrupts.]
Wesley: Thank you! I'm... very comforted. Right.

Spike: Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good. Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start.
Angel: Look, I can't do this anymore.
Spike: Admitting defeat, are you?
Angel: You and me. This isn't working out.
Spike: [mock-dramatic] Are you saying we should start annoying other people?

Spike: Hello, Junior. The name's Spike. [picks up the baby] And lucky for you, I'm on a strict diet.
[When Spike turns to leave with the baby, he's faced with three of the Fell Brethren standing in the doorway.]
Fell Leader: Place the holy vessel back in the bassinet.
[Spike looks at the baby, who even seems to shake his head "no", then looks back at the Fell.]
Spike: [sighs] Right.
[Spike shrugs off the robe and fights off the brothers' attack while still holding the baby.]

Spike: Hey! Fred! Did ya hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.
Angel: What?!
Fred: Not Number 5? You didn't hurt him?
Angel: No. I -- he attacked me.
Wesley: We should find him.
Spike: Absolutely. Wanna buy him a pint. Bloody made my day.

Spike: I had a wee spat with a werewolf myself once. Fought for over an hour. Brutal. Vicious. I almost lost my--
Fred: Angel killed him with a pen.

Spike: I must be in hell.
Lorne: Er... no, L.A., but a lot of people make that mistake.

Spike: I've never flown before.
Angel: I've been in a helicopter. They don't... (looks nervously out the window) go this high.
Spike: Back to the mother country. Hey, after we save Fred, we should hit the West End, take in a show.
Angel: I've never seen Les Miz.
Spike: (scoffs) Trust me, half way through the first act, you'll be drinking humans again.
Angel: Can't lose her, Spike.
Spike: We won't.
Angel: I lost Cordy.

Spike: It's called Addiction, Angel. We all have them. I believe yours is called Slutty the Vampire Slayer.

Spike: Look at you. Fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms. But you still can't lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you?
Angel: Like you're any different.
Spike: That's just it. I am, and you know it. You had a soul forced on you as a curse, make you suffer for all the horrible things you've done. But me, I fought for my soul, went throught the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over but I kept fighting. 'Cause I knew it was the right thing to do. It's my destiny.
Angel: Really? Heard it was just to get inside a girl's pants.

Spike: My first official parley as a very loosely affiliated member of... what are we? Tell me we're not Scoobies.
Angel: We haven't got-
Spike: [Interrupting] A name? Probably just as well. You'd want to be Angel's Avengers or something.
Angel: [laughing] Please. Angel's Avengers. Thats so... [stops laughing and gets a look implying that he likes the name]
Spike: So what's on the agenda?
Angel: Uh, I have assignments for people-- [a fizzing noise is heard, Angel glances over]
Spike: What? [Angel glares] I'm listening. With beer.
Angel: Forget it. This isn't a meeting, this is you being annoying.
Spike: [looking at the page] Hey, bullet points. Classy. Why am I always reconnaissance? I should get a decently flash gig like "save the girl" or "steal the emerald with the girl".
Angel: "Handsome man saved me from the monsters."
Spike: Exactly! Or... What's that now?
Angel: That's the first thing Fred said to me. In Pylea. She was trapped, hiding, afraid. Nearly crazy. Crazy, but brave. I should never have let her come here. Bad things always happen here.
Spike: Hate to break it to you, mate. But bad things always happen everywhere. Besides, she wanted to be here. It was her choice.
Angel: Was it?
Spike: Bugger, you're fixing to do something stupid, aren't you.
Angel: Done it. Came here. Spend every day lying to myself about making the world a better place.
Spike: Welcome to the planet. We all paint on our happy faces everyday, when all we really want is to pound the neighbour's missus, steal his Ben Franklins and, while we're at it, not think about the third of the world that's starving to death.

Spike: No. I'm not gonna end up like Pavayne--cheating Hell any way he could, no matter who it hurt.
Fred: Just proves what I've been telling everybody.
Spike: That I'm a handsome devil who brightens the place up?
Fred: That you're worth saving.