Lorne: My question first, and tell the truth because you know I'll know: Why "Mandy?"
Angel: I know the words. And, I think it's kinda pretty.

Lorne: Oh, hey, kiddo. I didn't see you there. You looking for your dad? Come on. He's upstairs. I'll show you the room. - This way.
Connor: I'm not going anywhere with you, demon.
Lorne: I'll tell you what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that happens to be a topic that I know a little something about, we'll just let that slide. Now I'll fetch your pop for you.
Connor: Filthy demon.
Lorne: Actually, that's UNCLE filthy demon to you. It wasn't that long ago, like a week, I was changing your diapers, you little...

Lorne: Say mom, when I disappeared, did you notice anything...odd?
Lorne's mother: We noticed much feasting and celebration. Your brother Numfar performed the dance of joy for three moons . [shouts to a boy in the background] Numfar! Do the dance of joy.

Lorne: So I am covered in cherries. The police are just pounding on the door, and Judi Dench starts screaming, "Oh, that's way too much to pay for a pair of pants!"

Lorne: They need the hotspot because they're going to Pylea, my home dimension.
Agnes: And you're not going with them?
Lorne: Hey. I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior highschool production of "Cats". You see where I'm going with this?
Agnes: Not Pylea?
Lorne: Exactomundo.

Lorne: Tonight the Role of Judas Iscariot will be played by Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan.

Lorne: Well, you're just a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren't you?

Lorne: Wesley Wyndam-Price, you should be ashamed. I didn't know you had a younger brother.
Wesley: Lorne. Yes. This is my father, Roger Wyndam-Price.
Roger: How do you do?
Lorne: A father? Well, I don't believe it. Well, OK, I do believe it, but only 'cause I heard you were in the building. Ha ha ha. Well, look at you. It's like Winston Churchill and a young Richard Harris had a beautiful love child, which, according to my sources, may not be as ridiculous as it sounds.

Lorne: Wha...? Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school. A mystical pregnancy right under my beak and not even a tingle. Huh.

Lorne: Whoa! Watch it there! Just passing by and got splashed with a heap of grouchy. Got to tell you, Angelkins, that extra weight is not looking so good on you. [Angel looks down at his belly] I'm talking about psychic pounds, pumpkin. Why don't you consider me the Jenny Craig for the soul, huh? So let's hear it.
Angel: I'm not gonna sing.
Lorne: Couldn't bear it if you did. No, it's talking you need... or maybe a shoulder to--
Angel: I'm not gonna cry either.
Lorne: I was going to a leaning place. OK, Atlas, how about a shrug? Look, so you got the weight of the world. Burden, sure, but breaking news it ain't.
Angel: Listen, Lorne, this isn't a good time.
Lorne: No. No, it never is. Spike showing up your first day in the Wolfram & Hart saddle, took the jolly right out of the rancher. But we've been feeling it ever since then, Angelcakes.
Angel: OK, so it's no secret. I don't like the guy.

Man: What are we going to do?
Holtz: Whatever we have to.
[Holtz walks over to Sarah and picks her up.]
Sarah: Papa, no! Please, no, papa! Papa, don't. Let me go!
[Holtz caries her over to the door and out onto the roofed porch.]
Sarah: No, papa. Papa, don't!
[Sarah tries to cling to one of the porch's pillars, but Holtz pulls her away and pushes her out into the bright sunlight of the front yard. She turns back to look up at him, morphing into vamp face as she burns up in the direct sunlight. Holtz stays and watches until she's gone then walks back into the house.]

Manny: Look, it's probably just a few hours til this guy catches up with me. I want to spend my last moments with my oldest, dearest friends down at the, uh, Pink Pony Lounge. (leers at Gwen) I'll buy you a lap dance if I can watch.
Angel: Forget that. We can take you someplace safe, Manny. We can protect you.
Manny: Right, Superhunk and Spandexia. This thing takes out Mesektet, and you two are going to protect me?
Angel: I don't see anyone else lined up for the job.
Manny: You think she'd give me a lap dance?

Manservant: Excuse the interruption, sir. There are some more men from Wolfram and Hart asking to see you. They seem rather adamant.
Magnus Hainsley: Kill them.
Manservant: Very good, sir.

Marcus Hamilton: Let's be clear about this. Things run differently now. I'm not a little girl, and you and I won't be making love on this couch anytime soon. Now, with that in mind, how can I help you?

Marcus: Curing cancer, Mr. Wyndam-Price?
Wesley: Wouldn't be cost-effective. I'm sure we make a lot from cancer.
Marcus: [chuckles] Yes. The patent holder is a client.