A warlord:Where´s your woman, did she drown?
Autolycus: No, no, she didn´t drown. She should be here momentarily. She´s nearly conquered territory, you know how it is...
A warlord: Virgin grounds, whoa.
Autolycus: Yeah, you see, a woman´s chastity is like a new hat. A beautiful thing that´s...(Xena appears)... going to kill me. Oooh, what took you so long my dear, finishing up my laundry?
Xena: Yes, you left something hanging on the line.

Agathon: Whoa! Nice 'ceps. Do you work out or all you gods cut?

Agis: Let me remind you of reality, Meg. You're a filthy tramp that I fished out of the gutter because you look like Xena and Diana. You're useful to me only if you're a convincing thespian.
Meg: You never said nothing about no kinky stuff. Besides, I pulled it off so far today.

Alti: Son of Darkness, Enemy of the Land, come and curse the child that Xena carries within her. Make sure that he never experiences the love of either of his parents.

Alti: Tell me who she is. Tell me who the blond one is. Tell me who she is.
Xena: She's goodness and innocence, Alti, and she'll live inside me forever. She frightens you because she represents what can defeat you.

Alti: Well, if it isn't Xena's little bitch. (brings Gabrielle over to her) Welcome to the doghouse!

Alti: What's she told you about me, little girl? Has she told you about my powers? Has she told you about this? (shows Gabrielle Xena's vision of their deaths) That's my gift to you. That's your future. She's responsible for your death.
Xena: You BITCH!

Alti: Your friend you told me about, Lao Ma, her powers come from denial, from self-sacrifice, from the Light. That's not for people like you and me. I want to tap into the heart of darkness, the sheer naked will behind all cravings, hatred and violence. I will become the face of death destroying not only a person's body, but their soul. Help me and I'll make you Destroyer of Nations.

Alti: Your little friend is dying with you, Xena. How does that make you feel?
Xena: Good.
Alti: Good?
Xena: Because if she's dying in my future it means SHE'S ALIVE NOW!.

Amarice: Hey, Roman, have you ever witnessed an Amazon execution before? I don't know how they do it here, but in my tribe it took a long, long time. And as the life oozed out of you, we talk to you and ask you how it felt.
Brutus: You're such a child. I've seen death that you could never dream of. And the fact that you told me that story means that you never saw it, or you're a fool.

Amarice: I was thinking about what you said, Xena, about not finding my answers at the end of a sword, and it seemed to make sense. And then I started thinking about old Pompey and it seems to me that he found an answer at the end of yours.
Gabrielle: Amarice, did you not find any philosophy behind those words?
Amarice: Yeah, kick butt and take names later.
Xena: (to Gabrielle) It's going to take some time.

Amazon #1: Well, I'm a virgin and I'm gonna stay that way forever.
Xena: Forever is a long time...
Amazon #2: What's it like, being with a man?
Xena: The good news is, it's different every time...bad news is - it's different every time. You're always hoping for a Greek fire, but sometimes you just get diddly.
Gabrielle: Xena has studied the subject more than I have but I think she's trying to say that some people are better lovers than others.
Amazon #2: What makes a man a good lover? Being gentle and kind?
Xena resolutely: No.
Gabrielle dreamily: Yes.
Gabrielle after a while: It's a complicated subject.

Annie: Harry, wake up. Harry?
Harry: What?
Annie: I just had a vision, an awakening, a self-revelation
Harry: Dont forget about the pint of Haagen-Daas and the bean burrito.
(Annie Burps)
Harry: Those will give you nightmares.

Annie: I had a past life experience.
Harry: Okay, let me guess. You were, huh, Susan B. Anthony
Annie: No.
Harry: Eleanor Roosevelt
Annie: No.
Harry: Queen Elizabeth?
Annie: No.
Harry: Huh, I give up.
Annie: In the time of ancient gods, I was Xena the Warrior Princess.

Aphrodite: Need it ... got it ... hate it ... can always hock it ... Grody! Why do these mortal types always give me fish. I hate fish.