Miss Pasternak: Jake, I have wonderful news: From now on, as part of each lesson, we're gonna spend time casting demons out of you. [to Alan]: It's the Devil that's making him stupid.
Jake: I told you it wasn't my fault.
Alan: Uh, uh, Miss Pasternak, wh-- while I'm thrilled that you're helping Jake with his schoolwork, I'm not sure an exorcism is really called for.
Miss Pasternak: Do you want your son to go to Hell, Alan?
Alan: Depends. Do they have a college prep program?
Miss Pasternak: Eternal damnation is no laughing matter.
Alan: I know. I've been married twice. [laughs]
Jake: You think you have to wear a jockstrap in Hell?
Charlie: Yes, but not your own.

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