[Alan is lying on the couch after falling off the ladder]
Alan: Do me a favor and call Judith and tell her not to bring Jake over.
Charlie: How come?
Alan: Look at me, Charlie! I have abrasions, contusions, a severely sprained neck, two fractured fingers, and I'm hopped up on pain pills. Does that spell "weekend dad" to you?
Charlie: Well, actually, to me it spells "weekend in Bangkok with two Olympic gymnasts". But that's a whole other story.

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