Alan: You're hitting on the widow!
Charlie: No, I'm consoling the widow. I won't start hittin' on her 'til they close the lid.
Alan: Unbelievable. How do you sleep at night?!
Charlie: Usually drunk and on top of somebody. But that takes work, Alan; it doesn't just happen by itself.
Alan: Hey, well, here's an idea: Why don't you run downstairs to the embalming room and see if you can score a couple of fresh ones off the truck?
Charlie: Excuse me, but considering your ex-wife, I'd say you're the expert on having sex with cold women who don't move!

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