Donna: A thing the size of a garbage truck is gonna be in a two-thousand-mile-an-hour free fall and no one knows where it's gonna hit!
Charlie: I'm rooting for Zurich.
Donna: Charlie?
Charlie: I've had it up to here with the Swiss.

Donna: Eliminating the term 'north' from North Dakota is an important state issue and the President feels it should be resolved on a state level. While the President is sympathetic towards the cause and understands the large economics ramifications of this name change, he feels the issue is not yet ripe for national attention. The President wishes you well on your endeavors and thanks you for your support.
Man: Uh, Miss Moss? Are you aware that studies clearly show the word 'north' leaves the impression that this state is cold, snowy and flat, significantly depressing tourism and business startup.
Donna: With due respect, sir, your average temperature is 7 degrees. Your average snowfall: 42 inches, and a name change isn't going to take care of that.
Woman: We enjoy roughly the same climate as South Dakota. We took in 73.7 million in tourism revenue last year. They took in 1.2 billion. They have the word 'south'.
Donna: Also Mount Rushmore.

Donna: I grew up on a farm.
Josh: You grew up in a condo.
Donna: I grew up near a farm. And I was cute and I was peppy. And I always did well on my 19th Century English Literature midterm until you came along and sucked me into your life of crime!
Josh: Hey, I'm not the-
Donna: White collar crime boy! You know what they do to a girl like me on the cell block? I've seen those movies.
Josh: Yeah, me too.
Donna: I bet you have.
Josh: Look-
Donna: Sell my farm girl ass for a carton of Luckys.

Donna: I have an excellent sense about these things.
Josh: Actually, you have no sense about these things. You have no vibe, you have terrible taste in men, and your desire to be coupled up will always and forever drown out any sense of self or self-worth that you may have.
Donna: You're a downer, you know that? I'm calling you Deputy Downer from now on.

Donna: I shall do those things.
Josh: You shall?
Donna: I shall... and I'll tell you what I'd like in exchange.
Josh: How about a weekly salary of some kind?
Donna: Yes, plus a favor.

Donna: I wasn't heroic. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Donna: I'm not wild about this whole Indonesian thing.
Josh: What's the problem?
Donna: I've been doing some reading on my own.
Josh: I wish you wouldn't do that.
Donna: Why?
Josh: Because you tend to cull some bizarre factoid from a less than reputable source and then you blow it all out of proportion.
Donna: I do not.
Josh: Donna...
Donna: I just thought you might like to know that in certain parts of Indonesia, they summarily execute people they suspect of being sorcerers.
Josh: What?
Donna: I read it.
Josh: They... summarily execute people they suspect of being sorcerers?
Donna: They behead them.
Josh: Sorcerers.
Donna: Gangs of roving people. Beheading those they suspect of being sorcerers. You know with... what's that thing that Death carries?
Josh: A scythe.
Donna: They're doing it with a scythe.
Josh: Well, thanks for the head's up.
Donna: I thought you might like to know who's coming over for dinner.
Josh: You bet.

Donna: Josh, this was delivered by messenger.
Josh: What is it?
Donna: It's... wait... wait... no. Damn, my x-ray vision is failing me today.

Donna: Mr Johnson, your platform would include paying the President, the Cabinet and all members of Congress a salary of one dollar a year?
Mr. Johnson: Hell, yeah. Make 'em get a real job.
Donna: And you want to ban motorcycle helmets, color televisions, drop out of the UN, abolish Medicare and totally privatize Social Security?
Mr. Johnson: You gotta get the government out of our damn pockets.
Donna: Sir, are you sure you're a Democrat?

Donna: Not everyone's like you, so...
Josh: Dedicated?
Donna: Monomaniacal.

Donna: Schadenfreude?
CJ: You know, enjoying the suffering of others. The whole rationale behind the House of Representatives.

Donna: So if the Capitol building blows up, the man my country will be looking to is the Secretary of Agriculture?
Josh: It's my country too.
Donna: Yeah, but you'll be dead.
Josh: Which is why I really don't care that much.
Donna: Josh�
Josh: [Cutting Donna off] Donna, I really don't anticipate the Capitol building exploding.
Donna: What percentage of things exploding have been anticipated?
Josh: Now you're bringing me down.
Donna: I would think so.

Donna: So, I'm being used.
Josh: Yes.
Donna: As a dupe.
Josh: Yes.
Donna: How am I supposed to feel about that?
Josh: How do you usually feel about that?
Donna: My value here is that I have no value.
Josh: You have enormous value to me. You have absolutely no value to Eastern Europe.

Donna: There are pages turned down with Post-its to tell you which of your relatives the gifts are for. If you're happy with the choices you should initial at the X. If you're not happy with the choices, you should remember how this goes when you try to do this yourself.
Josh: I like the polar fleece stuff.
Donna: Who's in charge of shopping?
Josh: You are.

Donna: There's no agreement.
Josh: How far apart are we?
Donna: They're leaving the building.