Ryan: Seth, I gotta ask. Did you really get into Brown?
Seth: Did I get in? Now who's smoking pot? Listen to me, the only class I've ever gotten less than an A in was gym. My essay on the loneliness of being Superman made Mrs Rushfield cry. So of course I... Oh God, how did I not get in?

Ryan: So it's safe to say you're not going to Berkeley. Have you told your dad yet?
Seth: Sandy Cohen is a perceptive guy. I'm sure he'll figure it out.
Ryan: Seth, you've got to tell him.
Seth: "Dad, I'm not applying to Berkeley... Where'd you get a gun?... Why do you have this gun?" Mmm, that doesn't have a good ring to it.

Ryan: So, how's this going to work? I'm just going stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew?
Seth: You chant. And hell, yes.

Ryan: There's this guy, and he's gotten it in his head that he's gonna fight me.
Sandy: Does this have anything to do with the fact that my car is now the "Lil Bitch"?
Ryan: Maybe. I was gonna fix that.

Ryan: What do you want from me?
Marissa: I want you.

Ryan: What's with all the questions?
Seth: Nothing, I'm just trying to exhaust your issues so we can get to mine.

Sandy: Excuse me, forgive me, but I'm a very proud father, and I, I want to say a few words. I think I can speak for Kirsten and the other parents here tonight, when I tell you kids how thrilled we are to share this wonderful touchstone with you (applause). I know the last few years have been a little rough for us (everyone groans and laughs). There's been tragedy, and comedy, and first loves, and broken hearts. Family members were lost, and found. It hasn't all been perfect, but we're all family here. So cheers.

Sandy: Ryan doesn't wear glasses.
Seth: He does when he's reading from right to left.

Sandy: We both screwed up.
Seth: We're both usually so awesome.

Seth: [talking to Ryan about Trey, who is in a coma] I kind of like him this way, he's a better listener. Sorry, I get talkative around coma patients. It's a compensation thing.

Seth: Dad, remember when I called you the worst father ever? Right after that, I swung by your place of work, I smoked a joint, I forgot to put it out and now your office fits into an ashtray.

Seth: I know you don't consider yourself as active.
Summer: No, two hobbies: shopping and sunbathing.

Seth: I know. I meant get a room. My room. And do it in front of me.

Seth: I'm gonna go the car and get my iPod, listen to sad, depressing music for a change.

Seth: Jews don't believe in saints, just really good stand-up comics.