Magnum, P.I. quotes
175 total quotesHiggins: [about Magnum's plan to join a high stakes poker game] It's Higgin's law, if you will: Opportunity plus Magnum equals financial disaster. Inevitably the disaster befalls an innocent bystander.
Higgins: [after Magnum has moved out of the guest house] Isn't it glorious, lads? I find the silence and serenity sublime. ...No screeching of tires past my window in the early morning hours ...No strange sounds emanating from the guest house ...No more sordid and tawdry guests ...No more abuse of private property ...No more Magnum.
Higgins: [philosophizing about Magnum's potential death] I know, however desolated I would be, I would also experience a certain catharsis that is singularly missing.
T.C.: Ahh... run that by me again, Higgi-baby. Only this time in English.
T.C.: Ahh... run that by me again, Higgi-baby. Only this time in English.
Higgins: [seeing Magnum wearing an old football helmet] Even for you, I find this evening's attire most bizarre. A rough divorce case pending?
Magnum: Higgins--
Higgins: Or is it some exotic fantasy you engage in after the sun goes down. "Win one for the dipper," something or other.
Magnum: Gipper!
Higgins: What?
Magnum: It is Gipper, not dipper!
Magnum: Higgins--
Higgins: Or is it some exotic fantasy you engage in after the sun goes down. "Win one for the dipper," something or other.
Magnum: Gipper!
Higgins: What?
Magnum: It is Gipper, not dipper!
Higgins: [to Magnum] There's some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it's really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me -- Tanky Moran. Got his name when he single-handedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he's selling jam in Devonshire.
Higgins: [To Rick] A formal complaint has been lodged with you in regarding both unbecoming behavior and flagrant violations of the club's dress code.
Magnum: Oh come on Higgins, I'm clean. I'm on the beach.
Higgins: It's interesting how the guilty party defends himself, even before he's been accused.
Rick: Oh, Thomas is usually accused before there's a complaint...That came out wrong, didn't it?
Magnum: Oh come on Higgins, I'm clean. I'm on the beach.
Higgins: It's interesting how the guilty party defends himself, even before he's been accused.
Rick: Oh, Thomas is usually accused before there's a complaint...That came out wrong, didn't it?
Higgins: [to T.C.] You ran through a pen, striking Mr. Platt, who was chasing a pig. It's so... Magnum-esque. The body has departed, but the spirit has remained behind to haunt me. Why?
Higgins: After the war, the Cliffords suffered some sort of a disgrace. They were ostracized from society. I don't imagine you'd understand that sort of thing, would you, Magnum? On the other hand, perhaps you would.
Higgins: As you may have noticed, I've fired the groundskeeper. Until I can find a successor, I'd like you to assume some of the responsibilities.
Magnum: But Higgins, I don't know the first thing about gardening!
Higgins: I assure you, the kind of work I had in mind requires no intelligence what so ever.
Magnum: Like what?
Higgins: Like distributing 1500 lbs. of recycled vegetation that was delivered this morning.
Magnum: Recycled vegetation!? What do you mean 'recycled vegetation'? Recycled how?
Higgins: [smiles] Through a cow.
Magnum: But Higgins, I don't know the first thing about gardening!
Higgins: I assure you, the kind of work I had in mind requires no intelligence what so ever.
Magnum: Like what?
Higgins: Like distributing 1500 lbs. of recycled vegetation that was delivered this morning.
Magnum: Recycled vegetation!? What do you mean 'recycled vegetation'? Recycled how?
Higgins: [smiles] Through a cow.
Higgins: Dr. Harmon, any of us who have experienced the horrors of war have them indelibly printed on our minds. But that's the only place they exist. The war is over.
Dr. Harmon: Maybe it's never over. Maybe we always carry the war around inside of us. Like a time bomb, ticking away, waiting to go off.
Dr. Harmon: Maybe it's never over. Maybe we always carry the war around inside of us. Like a time bomb, ticking away, waiting to go off.
Higgins: For a moment, I failed to remember that the ways of a gentleman are patently foreign to you. I revere words like honor, integrity, chivalry -- words that are clearly not in your vocabulary.
Magnum: Higgins, enough! Knocking my rubber chicken or my sloppy habits is within the rules, but you're attacking my character. I would like to think you don't mean that.
Higgins: Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that you can't know what it's like to care deeply for someone and have your hope taken.
Magnum: Yes, I can.
Magnum: Higgins, enough! Knocking my rubber chicken or my sloppy habits is within the rules, but you're attacking my character. I would like to think you don't mean that.
Higgins: Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that you can't know what it's like to care deeply for someone and have your hope taken.
Magnum: Yes, I can.
Higgins: He drove Robin's Ferrari over a cliff?
T.C.: Well, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose!
Higgins: One can never be sure with Magnum. Well, he'd better survive if he knows what's good for him.
T.C.: Well, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose!
Higgins: One can never be sure with Magnum. Well, he'd better survive if he knows what's good for him.
Higgins: I have studied Aristotle, Socrates, Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Bertrand Russell; I have toured college campuses debating the virtues of dialectic versus symbolic syllogism; I have written scholarly articles for the need for a new, more dynamic logic. But nothing in my life has prepared me for the workings of the Thomas Magnum mind.
Higgins: I've taken all the verbal insults I intend to from you.
Elizabeth Barrett: You're right. It's time I got physical.
Magnum: Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.
Elizabeth Barrett: I won't, but he will.
Elizabeth Barrett: You're right. It's time I got physical.
Magnum: Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.
Elizabeth Barrett: I won't, but he will.