Life on Mars quotes

179 total quotes



All Seasons
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Ray Carling: Chris, you're a div. Get in.

Ray Carling: I think it was a heart attack.
Gene Hunt: Then it must've exploded out of his arse, there's blood all down his back.

Ray Carling: I'm arresting you for the theft of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest... and driving like a div.

Ray Carling: Oh my Lord. Take a look at this.
[A line of policemen wearing washing up gloves and Sam Tyler instructing them]
Sam Tyler: Okay, fingertip search. Off you go, lads. Like I showed you. In a line, slowly. In a line!
Ray Carling: [singing] Now, hands that do dishes can feel [Chris and two other policemen join in] soft as your face -
Policeman: Piss off!
Ray Carling, Chris Skelton and two other police officers: With mild green Fairy Liquid.

Ray Carling: So how'd your date go?
Chris Skelton: Oh...I-I won't be seeing her again.
Ray Carling: Don't tell me. Upstairs outside and you got a slap!

Ray Carling: Steady Gov, we don't want another of those enquiries!

Sam Tyler: I was just dreaming.
Gene Hunt: What I call a dream involves Diana Dors and a bottle of chip oil! That's what you call a guilty conscience, my friend.
Sam Tyler: What?
Gene Hunt: The root of nightmares.
Sam Tyler: My conscience is clear, thank you very much.
Gene Hunt: Yeah, well, as for me, I slept like a baby! [Flops back down onto the bed]
Sam Tyler: Yeah, a twenty stone baby. Burps, snores and farts.
Gene Hunt: [sitting bolt upright] I do NOT snore!

Sam Tyler: I went someplace mum and every day I woke up in that place and I told myself ��I'm alive' and I was. In some ways more than I've ever been. You know, a barman [laughs] a barman once told me that you know when you're alive because you can feel and you know when you're not because you don't feel anything. I made a promise mum; I made a promise to someone who I care about very much.
Ruth Tyler: Then you've got nothing to worry about because you always keep your promises.

Sam Tyler: We need to start a dialog with the hostage taker.
Gene Hunt: We need the hostage taker in handcuffs or dead on the floor

Sam Tyler: [about Gene's 'wife' at the wife-swapping party] Where'd she come from?
Gene Hunt: Suki? Let her off an arrest last week for lewd behaviour. She owed me.
Sam Tyler: She's a prostitute?
Suki: I am here, you know!
Gene Hunt: Well, you didn't think I was gonna fetch me own wife here, did you?!

Sam Tyler: [grabs Gene as he enters the room with a usual comment] And as for you, I can just about handle you, driving like a pissed up crackhead and treating women like beanbags. But I'm going to say this once, and once only, Gene. Stay out of Camberwick Green!
[Gene Hunt passes Sam a ransom note]

Sam Tyler: [watching the the team trying to figure out the murder, Annie is looking through files and Gene, Ray and Chris are at Lambs' house. Chris is searching for the warning that Simon Lamb was given] Chris. Think. Step back. God is in the detail.

Sam Tyler: [yelling] GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Sam Tyler: And with time slipping away, do we really want to put all our eggs in the same basket. If the kidnapper's still at large we might be able to lure him out.
Gene Hunt: How?
Sam Tyler: That note was a cry for justice.
Gene Hunt: And I ask again, only slightly louder, HOW?!!!

Sam Tyler: Chris. This is serious.
Ray Carling: So where do you want this transmitter?
Sam Tyler: Up here
Gene Hunt: Chris, bend down.
Chris Skelton: What for?
Gene Hunt: Just do it
[Chris bends over to give Gene a step up]
Sam Tyler: Right, look...
[A police car with sirens on shoots past outside]
Ray Carling: [alarmed] The law! The law!
Gene Hunt: Get down you divs!
[Everyone ducks down, before Sam reappears when the car has gone]