(on a dive boat, in the East River)
Danny: (as he gears up to go into the water) A graveyard for subways? What happened, they run out of landfill or what?
Mac: (laughs a little) Cheaper to sink ��em then scrap ��em.
Sheldon: And the subway reefs provide a marine life sanctuary.
Danny: Yeah, well screw the fish. Hope it provides us with a crime scene.
Mac: Holden surfaced right here in the harbor. We're here. Subway reef is right under us. And we're gonna focus on the old Redbird transit cars. They're the ones that contain asbestos. It's dark down there. We got tidal currents, rocks and reefs to deal with.
Danny: Let's look on the bright side. We're not gonna worry about sharks.

(seeing the gag store)
Flack: Laughing Larry? You gotta be kidding me. Do you have any idea how much of my childhood was cruelly destroyed by this moron?
Lindsay: Trust me. I feel your pain.
Stella: You two wanna enlighten me here?
Flack: I was into comic books as a kid, right?
Stellla: Yep.
Flack: And this guy had a full-page ad in the back of each and every one of ��em selling things like Dribble Glasses, Onion Gum, Hypno-Coins, Whoopee cushions.
Lindsay: Plastic vomit, rubber dog-doo.
Stellla: Hmm. Sounds great.
Flack: Oh, yeah. And it all looked great. And I'd do whatever it took. I would scrimp, I would save, I would mow every last lawn in the neighborhood to get my hands on Sneezing Salts or a hundred-piece Battle Fleet. And then, I go to the mailbox, and right there, before my innocent young eyes, would be disappointment in a cardboard box.
Lindsay: I once spent my entire summer allowance on this hovercraft that Laughing Larry said would take me and my friends riding on a carpet of thin air. Hovercrap!
Flack: How about the x-ray specs I bought in middle school to see through a girl's clothes? The only thing I ever saw through those was a nun coming at me with a yardstick.

(while doing a reconstruction of the shooting w/ Danny behind her)
Lindsay: Definitely, could have gone through the love handles. (smiles and pinches his stomach)
Danny: That's too low, wise-ass.

(while working the late-late shift in the cemetery)
Grave Digger #1: Smallpox, Yellow Fever, influenza. She had the Bubonic Plague.
Grave Digger #2: (digging) What are you talking about, Pops?
Grave Digger #1: Long ago when several coffins were excavated and scratches were found inside, our ancestors, they realized they'd been burying (snickering) folks before their time. No kiddin'. Back then, when the plagues hit, guys like you and me, we couldn't dig fast enough.
Grave Digger #2: (not believing) Come on!
Grave Digger #1: Saved by the bell doesn't mean what you think. Morticians would tie a string to the hand of the dead person and take the other end of the string and tie it to a bell, aboveground. And immediately after the, uh, burial, a person from the mortuary would be assigned the task to sit by the new gravesite and listen for the bell to ring. (laughs) That was called the graveyard shift.

[Danny interrogates a man who accidentally shot his sister as a boy, and an entire family years later.]
Danny Messer: You're the one that killed that family, not the Devil.
Suspect: You're wrong. The Devil did kill them. And he came to me the night my sister died. I just didn't know enough not to let him in.