CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

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(After finding a body in the ground)
Warrick: What do you think, Grissom? Been down here at least 3 years? (Grissom sniffs, around it)
Grissom: It's probably more than 3 years.
Brass: You're kiddin' me, right?
Grissom: Rule of thumb is if the skull smells bad it's usually under 3 years. But this one smells like dirt.

[After finding civet oil and ipecac on the blue cat suit]
Greg:That's what you get when you eat...

[Analyzing the boxers found on the victim]
Catherine: Alright, what do those look like to you?
Greg: Semen stains.
Catherine:: Yeah.
Greg: Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.
Catherine: No.
Greg: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

[Drawing a sample from a cadaver's bladder]
Doc Robbins: Urine... you're out.
Catherine: Home pregnancy test, huh?
Doc Robbins: It's about 10 times cheaper than the brand sold by our medicial supply company. But just as accurate.
Catherine: Eye on the bottom line. I find that very---
Doc Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine: Prudent. But that was a good try.
Doc Robbins: Ah, plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine: Who's yo daddy?

[Grissom and Sara search suspect Craig Kaufman's room for evidence for something connecting to the false word EXVINS]
Craig: What are you looking for?
Sara: A six-letter word.
[Grissom finds a replica Tokarev gun among Craig's things]
Grissom: P-I-S-T-O-L? It's not the word we were looking for, but it's interesting.

[Grissom is driving next to Catherine who's running. The title theme from Chariots of Fire is playing from the SUV]
Catherine: [out of breath] What the hell kind of music is that?
Grissom: Inspiration.
Catherine: Sedative!
Grissom: Okay. [Grissom changes the song to a country one.] How's this?
Catherine: How 'bout something that doesn't twang?
[Grissoms changes it to "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet]

[Nick sees Grissom examining the Magic Fingers]
Nick: Haven't you ever seen one of those before?
Grissom: Not in person, no.
Nick: Magic Fingers. Twenty-five cents for 15 minutes of vibration. Died a slow death in the '70s due to vandalism and seedy connotations. Good for sex. Good for sleep ... too.
Grissom: Good for us. Given the killer's appetite for sexual persuasion, maybe they blew the circuit. Overloaded it with coins.
Nick: And their prints on those coins.

[Reading the high school newspaper and a column by the victim]
Nick: The lead story by editor and chief Sabrina Abernathy, entitled: "Varsity Hazing Ritual". Now listen to this: "The question is not whether the so called student athletes should be expelled, but whether or not they should be arrested."
Warrick: Why, what'd they do?
Nick: Apparently something with several hookers and alot of testosterone.
Greg: Whatever happened to toliet paper and trees?

[The doctor/suspect is leaving the room]
Grissom: Sad, isn't it doc? Guys like us, couple of middle aged men who have allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we are wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then all of a sudden we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody we could care about. She offers us a new life with her. But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it, but you did. You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else, and you were lost. So you took her life, you killed them both and now you have nothing.
Dr. Vincet Lurie: I'm still here.
Grissom: Are you?
[Camera shows Sara on the other side of the glass, she watched the entire thing]

[Warrick is in the bathroom splashing water on his face. Catherine walks in]
Catherine: Hey you!
Warrick: Hey.
Catherine: How're you holding up?
Warrick: I'm fine.
Catherine: You sure?
Warrick: Yeah.
Catherine: You're in the women's bathroom.