CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

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Marty: You going to arrest me for blurring the lines?
Grissom: No. We were leaning towards murder.

Melanie Grace: My first IOLP convention -- I walk in, see 200 Dwarfs staring back at me and what goes through my head? "There's no way I look like these people." I ran.
Grissom: But you went back.
Melanie Grace: Eventually. I guess I realized it's nice to see eye-to-eye with someone.
Grissom: Mm.
Melanie Grace: I get the impression that's a little tough for you. "The freaks have looked at her in a secret way and tried to connect their eyes with hers as though to say, we know who you are. We are you."
Grissom (smiles): Faulkner.
Melanie Grace: Close. Another southern writer. Carson McCullers.
Grissom: I think we look for the differences in each other to prove that we're not alone.
Melanie Grace: What's yours? Your difference? (Grissom is silent) Mine's the worst. Random gene. Anyone can have a dwarf. Sometimes I've even seen terror in average-size people's eyes. I remind them that their little carbon copies might not be such a copy after all.
Grissom: Well, mine's genetic, progressive and impossible to predict.
Melanie Grace: And hard to notice ... unless you tell someone.

Melanie Grace: Does he ever talk?
Sara: Yeah. At, uh, random intervals.
Grissom: I was admiring your reaching tool.
Melanie Grace: I have one I use to wipe my tush with. Would you like to take a look at that, too?

Nick: (Looking at his beeper before going to the lab across the hall) You beeped me from across the hall
Greg: Uh yeah, I waved, you didn't look up.

Nick: Feces?
Grissom: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Grissom: Yep. [Nick looks up with pained expression]
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Grissom: [laughs] No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Grissom: Bat guano.

Nick: Hey Doc, I've come to get an update on ... stinky

Nick: How long for DNA?
Greg: Well, give me something to compare it to. Get me the fiancée's blood.
Nick: Well, I can't just give you her blood. That takes a court order.
Greg: I'm open 24 hours.

Nick: I was sweating bullets looking at those photos.
Catherine: Did the judge exclude the dice?
Nick: No. No, just my credibility.

Nick: I wired the target to the car's alarm system. Gotta make sure we hear it.
Catherine: Always thinking there, Nicky, aren't ya?
[They get into their cars and buckle up]
Nick: Okay, remember full out the fifth then hit the nitrous and hang on.
Catherine: You just try to keep up.

Nick: Okay, back to midgets.
Grissom: Nick? "Dwarves" or "little people."

Nick: The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.
Greg: [walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.
Nick: Whose?
Greg: I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.
Catherine: Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.
Greg: Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.
Nick: That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.
Warrick: You'd know it, spanky

Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

Nick: You gotta get a girlfriend.
Archie: You first.

Nick: You sure you don't want me to do this?
Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick.

Nick: [as he and Dr. Gerard are reviewing video surveillance] Looks like Raymond was disposing of the bodies for your client. You think he ran out of time before he could move Kim's out?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Or Ray was disposing of them for himself. You've just supplied Tom Haviland with reasonable doubt.
Nick: No. What I showed you on video is Ray in the casino during the time the murders were committed.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: His zeal is clouding his judgment. It's not what did happen; it's what the jury will believe could have happened.