Catherine: I'm gonna find out what Rone's mothers maiden name is.
Grissom: What's his mother got to do with it?
Catherine: She may have sold me my engagement ring.

Catherine: It's physically impossible to absorb a fatal dose of cocaine through the penis.
Grissom: Cite your source.

Catherine: Marjorie's requesting copies of CSI's proficiency test records, by midnight.
Grissom: So relax. If any of us had failed the yearly proficiency test, we wouldn't be here.
Catherine: You completely forget, don't you? My test is on appeal.
Grissom: Oh, right.
Catherine: Board said I was wrong on one question. I said the question was ambiguous. They're going to rule my way, but not before the prelim. [sighs] Just trying to rattle me.
Grissom: Is it working?
Catherine: Maybe I should just take a page out of your book. If I don't collect or analyze anything, I don't have to testify. Of course, it helps to be boss. Very politic. Ecklie must be rubbing off on you.
Grissom: Yeah, that's it. Ecklie.

Catherine: Oh, Dougie Max was poisoned.
Greg: To the max.

Catherine: We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...

Catherine: What do you see?
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.

Catherine: [to Nick] Remember, if you get stuck just maintain the same posture. If there's any adjustments, you're seen as squirming. It's going to make you look shifty.
Nick: Thanks, Cath. You know, I've done this before.
Catherine: Well, I've done it longer.

Clyde: Look, everyone tries to get an edge in this business. I use jokes.
Warrick (hangs up the phone): Fred Sterns just passed away. Again.
Grissom: Dead guy. Not funny.

Detective Cyrus: Death: the cheapest show in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah. it doesn't suprise me. Remember the MGM fire? We found people burned to their slot machines cause they wouldn't leave the action.
Detective Cyrus: Only in Vegas.

Detective Vega: You don't just spontaneously develop a fatal head wound.

Doc Robbins: An artificial spinal disc. If you can recreate a spine the possibilities are endless.
Catherine: I thought, uh, disc replacement surgery involved fusing bone to bone.
Doc Robbins: Eh, typically, but it can limit mobility. With that little disc, your body doesn't know the difference. Matches range of motion, flexibility and an axial rotation of a normal spine. Still in clinical trials. Less than a thousand surgeries have been performed in this country.
Catherine: Oh, well, I like those odds.
Doc Robbins: You'll like this even better. Medium endplate, size 12, polyethylene component and a six-degree lordosis angle. Narrowed it down to one. Amy Ennis. Austin, Texas.
Catherine: Tourist?
Doc Robbins (chuckles): That's for you to find out.

Doorman: Sorry, 5 dollars to get in.
Brass: [Pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.

Dr. Phillip Gerard: Gil, good work.
Grissom: My team did it, Philip. I got good CSI's. [signs to Gerard] Oh, and, uh, my mother says "hello."

Dr. Phillip Gerard: [to Grissom] You're not running evidence. Or have you changed your mind? [Grissom doesn't say anything] By the way, tell your mother I say 'Hello' next time you talk. I was so impressed that night we all had dinner. The sign language... how you interpreted for her. Fluid, didn't miss a beat.
Grissom: What'd you do, subpoena my doctor?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Knowing your genetic predisposition for hearing loss?
Grissom: You've become a bottom feeder, Philip.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Your work is dependent upon your five senses. The fact that you're losing one of yours wouldn't bode well for any evidence you introduced.
Grissom: You know, all those years I worked for you, you never got to know me at all, did you?

Film Processor: I've processed hundreds of bogus snuff films. But this, this one just felt different.
Catherine: Yeah, it should. arterial spray was real.
Grissom: It's not fake blood. It's human. That was a murder... on 16 millimeter.