CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes
0 total quotesCatherine: We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...
Catherine: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now?
Grissom: Well, unless I get this evaluation in, I'm gonna get written up.
Catherine: Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
Catherine: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months!
[Grissom stops writing on the evaluation and he looks at her]
Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine's eyes widen]
Grissom: You... Advance, I mean. You... have any interest in changing sections in the lab? For instance.
Catherine: Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and time...
Grissom: The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone to take his place someday.
Catherine: Are you goin' some place?
Grissom: You never know.
Catherine: Are you considering me?
Grissom: Why not? You're certainly qualified. [She gets up to leave] But a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity calls into question her judgement. Don't you think?
[He hands her the evaluation to sign and she thumbs through it]
Catherine: You left that out. Ar-are you covering for me?
Grissom: I believe that we dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned it's dead. And besides you'll never do it again. So, just sign your name by the red X.
Catherine: Before I sign, um... since we're putting all of our cards on the table there's something you should know, Sam Braun wrote me a check and I cashed it.
Grissom: For how much?
Catherine: Enough where Lindsey and I can do anything, and not enough to where we can do nothing.
Grissom: Sam Braun was a suspect in one of your murder cases, how does this not look like a pay off?
Catherine: I consulted a lawyer. It's a check from a father to a daughter it is completely out of departmental jurisdiction.
Grissom: What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab.
Catherine: Gil, I would never you or the lab.
Grissom: [Cutting her off and getting angry] Maybe not legally, but ethically? [She sighs and looks at her lap and then back at him] What else should I know, Catherine?
Catherine: That's everything. [She signs the sheet and leaves]
Grissom: Well, unless I get this evaluation in, I'm gonna get written up.
Catherine: Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
Catherine: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months!
[Grissom stops writing on the evaluation and he looks at her]
Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine's eyes widen]
Grissom: You... Advance, I mean. You... have any interest in changing sections in the lab? For instance.
Catherine: Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and time...
Grissom: The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone to take his place someday.
Catherine: Are you goin' some place?
Grissom: You never know.
Catherine: Are you considering me?
Grissom: Why not? You're certainly qualified. [She gets up to leave] But a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity calls into question her judgement. Don't you think?
[He hands her the evaluation to sign and she thumbs through it]
Catherine: You left that out. Ar-are you covering for me?
Grissom: I believe that we dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned it's dead. And besides you'll never do it again. So, just sign your name by the red X.
Catherine: Before I sign, um... since we're putting all of our cards on the table there's something you should know, Sam Braun wrote me a check and I cashed it.
Grissom: For how much?
Catherine: Enough where Lindsey and I can do anything, and not enough to where we can do nothing.
Grissom: Sam Braun was a suspect in one of your murder cases, how does this not look like a pay off?
Catherine: I consulted a lawyer. It's a check from a father to a daughter it is completely out of departmental jurisdiction.
Grissom: What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab.
Catherine: Gil, I would never you or the lab.
Grissom: [Cutting her off and getting angry] Maybe not legally, but ethically? [She sighs and looks at her lap and then back at him] What else should I know, Catherine?
Catherine: That's everything. [She signs the sheet and leaves]
Catherine: Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.
Sara: She's dead.
Catherine: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara: Really? How would you know?
Nick: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine: What's that?
Nick: "What do you drive?"
Sara: It's a honest question.
Nick: No it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".
Sara: She's dead.
Catherine: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara: Really? How would you know?
Nick: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine: What's that?
Nick: "What do you drive?"
Sara: It's a honest question.
Nick: No it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".
Catherine: Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel!
Catherine: What do you got for me? I could use a rush.
Grissom: Well, this qualifies: 4-26. But I can't give you the case.
Catherine: Because?
Grissom: Conflict of interest. The alleged rape victim is an exotic dancer.
Catherine: And because I used to be one, I'll be biased?
Grissom: No. The suspect's your ex-husband. (beat) He's asking for you, but you can't take it. (Catherine stands up and looks at Grissom)
Catherine: Just let me do the pre-lim.
Grissom: All right. (he gives her the assignment sheet) Do what you can. But after the preliminary, you pass it off, okay? (Catherine doesn't say anything. She turns and leaves the room)
Grissom: Well, this qualifies: 4-26. But I can't give you the case.
Catherine: Because?
Grissom: Conflict of interest. The alleged rape victim is an exotic dancer.
Catherine: And because I used to be one, I'll be biased?
Grissom: No. The suspect's your ex-husband. (beat) He's asking for you, but you can't take it. (Catherine stands up and looks at Grissom)
Catherine: Just let me do the pre-lim.
Grissom: All right. (he gives her the assignment sheet) Do what you can. But after the preliminary, you pass it off, okay? (Catherine doesn't say anything. She turns and leaves the room)
Catherine: What do you see?
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.
Catherine: What do you think?
Warrick: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.
Warrick: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.
Catherine: What's the matter with you?
Nick: I'm on a case.
Catherine: We're on a case.
Nick: Right...
Nick: I'm on a case.
Catherine: We're on a case.
Nick: Right...
Catherine: Who is this?
Brass: It's Braun's squeeze. She's an ex-stripper too. Perhaps you two met in a professional capacity.
Catherine: And, uh, where has she been the past 12 hours?
Brass: Uh, let's see. [he pulls out his notebook] Quote: "Out." Endquote.
Brass: It's Braun's squeeze. She's an ex-stripper too. Perhaps you two met in a professional capacity.
Catherine: And, uh, where has she been the past 12 hours?
Brass: Uh, let's see. [he pulls out his notebook] Quote: "Out." Endquote.
Catherine: Whoa, this isn't half bad for college kids.
Sara: Yeah, why live in a one room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.
Catherine: Hey how about it, you, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom?
Sara: Oh, nah, not Grissom.
[Catherine and Sara walk into the house. Water is pouring down, almost like it's raining, from the second story and the two police officers on scene are using umbrellas]
Catherine: What the hell is this?
Officer: Ma'am, you may want to take one of these. [The officer hands Sara an umbrella]
Sara: Thank you, thanks!
Catherine: Where's the body?
Officer: Upstairs.
Sara: Upstairs?
Officer: Yeah.
[long pause]
Catherine: It's raining MAN JUICE?
Sara: Hallelujah?
[One of the officers dashes over to give them two pairs of boots]
Officer: You might want to wear these.
Sara: Thank you.
Sara: Yeah, why live in a one room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.
Catherine: Hey how about it, you, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom?
Sara: Oh, nah, not Grissom.
[Catherine and Sara walk into the house. Water is pouring down, almost like it's raining, from the second story and the two police officers on scene are using umbrellas]
Catherine: What the hell is this?
Officer: Ma'am, you may want to take one of these. [The officer hands Sara an umbrella]
Sara: Thank you, thanks!
Catherine: Where's the body?
Officer: Upstairs.
Sara: Upstairs?
Officer: Yeah.
[long pause]
Catherine: It's raining MAN JUICE?
Sara: Hallelujah?
[One of the officers dashes over to give them two pairs of boots]
Officer: You might want to wear these.
Sara: Thank you.
Catherine: Women in convertibles are low-hanging fruit.
Grissom: And it was a top-down night.
Grissom: And it was a top-down night.
Catherine: You know how you're always pushing that Holy Trinity stuff?
Grissom: Father, son and Holy Ghost?
Catherine: Victim, suspect and crime scene.
Grissom: Oh, that one.
Grissom: Father, son and Holy Ghost?
Catherine: Victim, suspect and crime scene.
Grissom: Oh, that one.
Catherine: You want to take that thing off your head, Greg? It's evidence.
Greg: Cool your jets, Cath. I already got all the evidence out of it. Now, it's all woman. Did you ever wear one of these when you were dancing?
Catherine: I wore nothing but skin.
Greg: Ooh.(standing behind Greg is Grissom. Catherine sees Grissom and clears her throat. Greg turns around and finds himself face to face with Grissom. He takes the headpiece off of his head and reports) I, uh, compared the DNA from the tooth with hair follicles found inside the headdress. I think we have a match, sir. And I think we may have a homicide. Excuse me. (Greg steps back into his lab. Catherine suppresses a grin and looks at Grissom)
(Warrick has just gone in a pool to collect evidence)
Greg: Cool your jets, Cath. I already got all the evidence out of it. Now, it's all woman. Did you ever wear one of these when you were dancing?
Catherine: I wore nothing but skin.
Greg: Ooh.(standing behind Greg is Grissom. Catherine sees Grissom and clears her throat. Greg turns around and finds himself face to face with Grissom. He takes the headpiece off of his head and reports) I, uh, compared the DNA from the tooth with hair follicles found inside the headdress. I think we have a match, sir. And I think we may have a homicide. Excuse me. (Greg steps back into his lab. Catherine suppresses a grin and looks at Grissom)
(Warrick has just gone in a pool to collect evidence)
Catherine: You're an average family, burdened with a tragedy that put you under a microscope. That close, nobody can look good.