Anya: When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.
Xander: Welcome to the world of romance.
Anya: It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work.
Xander: Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings.
Anya: Come with me.
Xander: I can't.
Anya: Why not?
Xander: I got friends on the line.
Anya: So?
Xander: That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?

Anya: Xander, he-he's very kind, and brave, and he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and... he loves me. Sometimes it isn't easy, but he does.
Halfrek: Who told you that it isn't easy to love you?
Anya: Well... you know, sometimes I'll do something or say something, and then he has to say stuff like, "It is incorrect for you to appreciate money so much," or-or, "Observe: here is how a real human would behave."
Halfrek: Oh, so he corrects you?

Anya: You feel really responsible? You are really responsible!
Willow: I know I hurt you... and everyone... and I'm sorry.
Anya: Here's something you should know about vengeance demons. We don't groove with the sorry. We prefer, "Oh, God! Please stop hitting me with my own rib bones!"
Willow: Go on. Say whatever you want, rib bones and so forth. I deserve it.
Anya: And you won't mind?
Willow: No.
Anya [pouts slightly]: Well then, that's no fun.

Anya: You haven't called. Not once!
Xander: You said you were over me.
Anya: And you just accepted that? I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear.
Xander: Well, that's the funny thing about me. I tend to hear the actual words people say and accept them at face value.
Anya: That's stupid.
Xander: I accept that.

Anya: You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul.
Spike: Oh, come on now, I've just explained to you...
Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.

Anya: You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.
Tara: Well, it's-it's really not so much about hating the men.
Willow: We're more centered around the girl-on-girl action.
Anya: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander!
...
Anya: [frustrated that Willow and Tara won't wish ill on Xander] What kind of lesbians are you? If you love men so much, go love men!

Big Ugly: This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.
Spike: You were there? Please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion actually was there, it would've been like Woodstock.
Big Ugly: I oughta rip your throat out.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and then I spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
[Big Ugly rushes Spike, who punches him out without even looking]
Spike: [to Collin] So, who do you kill for fun around here?
Collin: Who are you?
Spike: Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.
Collin: Can you?
Spike: [glancing at Big Ugly] A lot faster than nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag... [scoffs] Who am I kidding? I love to brag!

Big Vampire: I've always wanted to kill the Slayer.
Buffy: And I've always wanted piano lessons. So really... who's surprised we've got this unexpressed rage? But honestly, I think I express mine better. Tell you what... you find yourself a good anger management class, and I'll jam this pokey wood stick through your heart.

Buffy: Faith, these are innocent people.
Faith: No such animal.

Buffy: "I wonder where I've seen this before" - Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff off the sides of mausoleums. Big freaky cereal boxes of death.

Buffy: ... so then Kathy's like, "It's share time." And I'm like, "Oh yeah? Share this!"
[She punches the air.]
Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?
Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.

Buffy: (about the prophecy in which she will die) So that's it, huh? I remember the drill. One slayer dies, the next one's called. I wonder who she is. Will you train her? Or will they send someone else?
Giles: Buffy... I...
Buffy: [wimpering] Does it say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? [as Angel steps close to her] Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping I wouldn't have to, that there was some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit.
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple. I quit. I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop The Master from taking over.
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: [enraged, throwing books at Giles] The signs?! Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Giles: I don't suppose I am
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? You think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember. Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.

Buffy: [about a date with Principal Wood] Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: [laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or maybe he knows I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.
Buffy: You know, it's not even that he's acting that suspicious. It's just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That's got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
...
Willow: I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.

Buffy: [about a ritual] So, how's it start?
Giles: I, uh, jump out of the circle and I jump back in it and then um, I shake my gourd.
Buffy: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around!
Giles: [affecting annoyance] Go quest.
...
[Giles sighs, then reluctantly jumps out of the circle, jumps back in, and shakes his gourd.]
Buffy: And that's what it's all about.

Buffy: [about Adam] I could barely fight him. It was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast, he gave the commando guys the slip with no problem.
Willow: There's gotta be a flaw.
Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight.