Doc: Hey, kid, wanna see a trick?

Doctor: [To Harmony] You can't smoke in here
Harmony: [Holding a Crossbow] Oh yeah, says who? [Doctor points to a "No Smoking" sign] Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the sign.

Dr. Kriegel: Joyce, there's no reason to get upset.
Joyce: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!

Dracula: I knew you'd come.
Buffy: Why? Because I'm under your thrall? [suddenly comes back to herself and pulls out her stake] Well, guess again, pal.
Dracula: Put the stake down.
Buffy: OK. [puts it down, then looks at her hand in surprise] Right. That... was not... you. [sounding unconvinced] I did that. I did that because ... I wanted to.
[Dracula watches her]
Buffy: [looks nervously around her] Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing. [whimpers a little]

Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

Eddie: Of Human Bondage, have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.

Epitaph:

Ethan Rayne: If you think of it karmically this is, this is really big for your soul. You know, taking my place with the demon. Giving, so that others may live.
Buffy: I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow the whole karma thing?

Ethan Rayne: Well we can't run. Eigon will find us. This mark's like a homing beacon.
Buffy: It's okay. I'm not much into running.
Ethan Rayne: Aren't we manly.
Buffy: One of us is.

Faith: I kept having this dream; I'm not sure what it means. But in the dream, this self-righteous blonde chick stabs me, and you want to know why?
Buffy: You had it coming.
Faith: That's one interpretation, but in my dream she does it for a guy. [Willow starts to sneak up behind Faith and is about to hit her with her backpack] Try it, Red, and you lose an arm. [Willow backs off] I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beef stick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she's forgot about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream... that and some stuff about cigars and tunnel. But, uh, tell me college girl, what does it mean?
Buffy: To me? Mostly that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. [Police sirens are heard] Uh oh, I guess somebody knows you're here [Faith hits Buffy]

Faith [in Buffy's body, about Faith]: Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey. Show her the error of her ways. I'm sure there's some big ol' Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection.
Joyce: Buffy.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] I'm sorry, Mom. It's just, when I think about how she might have hurt you, I just... I can't stand it.

Faith: [about Scott] But you like him. When you think about him you get that good, down-low tickle, right?
Buffy: Yeah, I guess... how low?
Faith: You tell me!

Faith: All men are beasts, Buffy.
Buffy: Okay, I was hoping to not get that cynical 'til I was at least forty.
Faith: It's not cynical. I mean, it's realistic. Every guy from... Manimal down to Mr. I-Love-The-English-Patient has beast in him. And I don't care how sensitive they act. They're all still just in it for the chase.

Faith: Always... I could eat a horse. Ain't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?
[Xander, Cordy, Willow & Oz all look at Buffy for confirmation]
Buffy: Well... sometimes I-I crave a non-fat yogurt after.

Faith: Every guy's got some whack fantasy. Scratch the surface of any granola-type dude - naughty nurses and horny cheerleaders... I figure, if you can't beat 'em--
Spike: Join 'em.
Faith: Just don't forget who's on top.
Spike: That, I suspect, would be you.