Harvey Lipschultz: All through history, when men look at women, they want to have sex. Now, God did this on purpose to ensure the survival of the human species. And he also gave women lumps, known as breasts, to inspire in man the penile urge to procreate. Now, this was very good for mankind, but not for womankind. Now, how could she succeed in this world, and how could she be respected for all her values, when men just want to mount her? Research eventually showed that it was those dangling bouncing breasts that cause special excitement to the man's blood flow. It was determined that the brassiere could stop this dangling, bouncing motion. The man would be less likely to objectify the woman and she would have a fighting chance at equality. You must harness your bosoms in order to squash the discrimination by the male gonads. This country can never maximize its potential until you can achieve equality. That's why I must make a rule, right here, and right now: wear a bra, for the good of the country.

Dana Poole: I'm not getting expelled. Guber decided to give me a three-day suspension... Did you have anything to do with it?
Harry: Listen to me. Whether or not I did, here's how it's gonna be. You come to me ever again, ever, and try to extort me for anything, I don't care if it's even a hall pass, I'm going to Harper and Guber myself and I'm going to tell them everything. You got that?
Dana Poole: Why would you do that?
Harry: Because I made a mistake with you, Dana, and I'm not going to make another one.

Christine: I don't want to wrestle!
Kevin: Why?
Christine: Look, I enjoyed it at first, but after awhile, rolling around the floor with a 200-pound sweating grunting pig who's trying to physically hurt me? The fun wears off.

Harry Senate: Lauren, you and I are a disaster.
Lauren Davis: I know.
Harry Senate: As disasters go, it'd probably be one of the better ones.
[They kiss.]
Harry Senate: I mean, it's really not a good idea.
Lauren Davis: I know.
[They kiss again.]

Harry Senate: Anyone I suppose could contribute to a shelter or help the needy, but it takes a true American to dedicate himself to firearms. And you know what? We need people like you. Our country's getting a bad rep just because we kill each other. Well, that's manly... shooting people. United States, this is were men live. Australia -- all their stupid bragging about how tough they are in the outback. They get about... 15 gun homicides a year. What the hell is that? We get ten thousand. The Japanese are even more pathetic. In 1999, for kids between 15 and 19, they didn't have one handgun murder, not one! We had over five thousand! Our teenagers are tough, but it can't happen unless we get the guns out there into their hands. And for that we need committed, good people like all of you. Look at these idiots in Washington who think it's wrong for teenagers to have assault rifles. And the stupid Democrats think we should have ten-day waiting periods. What happens if you need to kill somebody today? Next thing the government will try to crack down on incest and we won't be able to breed future NRA members. I mean, we are talking about the toothless illiterates that make this country great. This is America. Get a gun!

Harry (to Lauren): You do realize you'll officially be a grown-up.
Lauren: Yes. I plan to eventually drag you into adult-hood too.

Harry Senate: The assignment was the read the book. Did anybody read the book?
[Silence.]
Harry Senate: Jamal, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Jamal: Not a teacher.
Harry Senate: You know, as a teacher, it would be inappropriate for me to tell you that you're a total screw-up. So what I want you to do is go home and ask your father, as a favor to me, to tell you that you're a total screw-up. I bet you can't wait to get out into the real world because you're all going to be rich. Companies are going to pay you a ton of money to sit there like lumps and do nothing all day. I want all my books back. Just leave them right here on my desk on your way out because, well, unlike a mind, a book is a terrible thing to waste.

Harvey Lipschultz: [to the football players] When I was a young boy, there was this baseball player. And the players didn't want him to play because he was different. But when he finally did make it into the game, they found that he could hit and run and catch better than all of them. His name was Jackie Robinson. And he paved the way for the black man to get into the game of baseball, making it a better game. What if it were to turn out that this homosexual could run faster, hit harder and throw that football straighter? We won't know that. We won't know that unless that first team of courage invites him to join the game. And I would like to think that that team of courage lives right here at Winslow High. Gentlemen, there is nothing more American than football. Be proud. Welcome the gay linebacker into your shower.

Daniel: (to Lauren) Do you ever fantasize about your students fantasizing about you?

Danny Hanson: You're sick? Huh? You don't look sick to me.
Debbie: So? You don't look nuts, but we both know better.

Harry: Can we discuss your hair?
Patron: Hey, I'm not ashamed to be bald for your information. I just wear a disguise when I come to these places.
Harry: Excellent. I bet in real life your teeth are straight too.

Harry Senate: You know, I doubt this is the first time that one teacher has kissed another.
student: No, it's just... You know, with you...
other student: You're usually kissing students.

Harvey Lipschultz: [to Marla] The kids are already afraid of you because they think you have mental problems. I mean that as a compliment.

Harvey Lipschultz: I should have asked him to bless me.
Danny Hanson: You're Jewish, Harvey. You don't believe in Christ.
Harvey Lipschultz: I've been wrong before! Why not hedge my bets?

Harry (to Lauren): It's just not like you to clam up.
Lauren: Well, if you think I'm clam now, wait until we get into bed.