NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes



All Seasons
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Tony: For a crew that doesn't do drugs, you guys sure do a lot of drugs.

Tony: Gibbs'll get in. He's got clearance that'll let him see the dead aliens buried in Area 51.
Kate: Because he probably killed them.

Tony: Gibbs, the pilot won't take off until the Secret Service chick gives us the... [sees Kate with Gibbs] ... thumbs up.
Kate: I think that just made it my team.
Gibbs: No, means I'm gonna have to hijack Air Force One. Tony, escort Agent Todd off this aircraft and close the hatch.
Kate: You're not serious! Wait. Fine. Your team. But just because I don't want to have to delay us any further by having to shoot you.

Tony: God! Oh, God, these are new boots!
Ziva: This is not the time for sightseeing, Tony!
Tony: The only sight I see is your big black...
Ziva: Hey!
Tony: Backpack! Walking faster!

Tony: Guy was really interested in reality shows. Real World, Simple Life, Punk'd...
Gibbs: Punk'd?
Kate: Geez, Gibbs. Even I know what Punk'd is.
Tony: It's an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it.
Gibbs: Like Candid Camera.
Tony: What's Candid Camera?

Tony: Here come the clowns.
McGee: The FBI does have jurisdiction in the death of a federal agent.
Tony: Yeah, well I like our chances with Gibbs in there waving a chair around like Gunther Gable Williams. Lion tamer. He's my second favorite hero after Steve McQueen.
McGee: Sure, because riding a motorcycle looks cool and all, but --
Tony: But nobody messes with a man riding an elephant.

Tony: Hey, if this thing goes off-
Ziva: This is not your fault, I know.
Tony: No, I was going to say...your life would have more meaning if you'd slept with me.
Ziva: If you'd had anything else on your mind, I might have.
Tony: Really?
Ziva: No.

Tony: Hey, quit feeling sorry for yourself. Do what you do best.
McGee: What, you mean screwing up?
Tony: No, finding answers when no one else can.
Ziva: That was nice of you.
Tony: Never kick a probie when he's down, Ziva.
Ziva: I thought the expression was "dog."
Tony: Same difference.

Tony: Hey, turn that frown upside down, sweetie... we're going back to college!
Kate: Your problem, Tony, is you never left.

Tony: Hey, you haven't forgotten about the screen saver, have you, Ziva?
Ziva: Actually, I had, thanks for reminding!
Tony: What are friends for?!

Tony: Houston. The cell phone has landed.

Tony: How bad does a drug deal have to go for you to leave the drugs behind?

Tony: How can you work with someone for three years and not know they have a kid?
Ziva: Just because you work with somebody everyday does not mean that you know *everything* about them.
Tony: Really? So I shouldn't know about that tattoo on the inside of your...
Ziva: I MEANT, I understand someone wanting to keep their personal and professional lives seperate, as should you. It did not end very well, when you fell in love when you were undercover, did it?
Tony: ...Thanks for the memory.

Tony: How long have you known I was --
Ziva: Following me? Since I left the Navy Yard.
Tony: I don't think so.
Ziva: Blue sedan. You laid behind a white station wagon for a while, then a telephone van. You lost me at the traffic circle on --
Tony: Okay, okay. You knew.
Ziva: [handing him a cup of coffee] Take it. It's chilly out here. You shouldn't feel bad. I was trained by the best.
Tony: You know, that's what I like about Mossad.
Ziva: Our training?
Tony: Modesty.

Tony: I don't know what you just said, I don't care what you just said, just give me the number. Why is there an asterisk?
McGee: Ummmm, not sure.
Tony: [gives him a look]
McGee: ...sir?
Tony: That wasn't an "add a sir" look. That was a "you better find out why" look.
McGee: Oh.
Tony: 's alright. Rookie mistake.