Sam: Well do you think I should go through with this?
Norm: I think that you and Diane are lovely special people, Sam. Alone. Separately. You know individual. Together frankly, you stink. To the casual observer you're running off to Italy would have to seem stupid beyond reason.
Sam: I'm goin'.
Norm: That's what I'd do.
Season 4

Sam: Well I guess I've, uh, I've never looked at your eyes.
Diane: Is something wrong with them?
Sam: No I uh, I just don't think I've ever saw eyes that color before. Matter of fact I don't think I've ever seen that color before. Yes I have, yes I have.
Diane: Where?
Sam: I was uh, I was on a ski weekend, up at Stowe. I uh, was coming in late one day � uh, last person off the slope � the sun had just gone down. And the sky became this incredible color. I usually don't uh, notice things like that, and I found myself kind of walking around in the cold, hoping that it wouldn't change; wishing that I had someone there to share it with me. Afterwards I tried to convince myself I had imagined that color; that I hadn't really seen it. Nothing on this earth could be this beautiful. Now I see I was wrong. [Pause] Wouldn't work, huh?
Diane: What?
Sam: Intelligent women would see right through that.
Diane: Oh...oh! In a minute!

Sam: Well, at least I didn't fly across the country to make an ass out of myself.
Diane: Why bother when you do it so brilliantly right here?

Sam: What about Frasier? Frasier you look like you could use a pick me up.
Frasier: A hockey game? No, thank you. I've been to a bullfights in Spain and I've been to the altar with Diane. I think that's enough carnage for one life.

Sam: What am I going to do about this?
Frasier: Sam, may I suggest deception?
Cliff: Well hold onto your horses there, Frasier. I mean as a psychiatrist isn't your job to seek and uphold the truth?
Frasier: Get real, Cliff.

Sam: What are you doing there?
Woody: Miss Howe put moi in charge of refreshments for the book club.
Sam: Yeah, but what are those?
Woody: Finger sandwiches. You know, the part that takes the most time is getting that middle knuckle right.
Sam: Woody, they don't actually have to look like fingers.
Woody: Yeah right.

Sam: What are you up to Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight if I were 11 feet tall.

Sam: What do you say, Norm?
Norm: Any cheap tawdry thing that will get me a beer.

Sam: What is it with people nowadays? When I was a kid we used to keep our door unlocked all the time. We used to get ripped off a lot but we could at least get out of the damn house.

Sam: What just happened here guys?
Norm: Well you got shot down, Sam.
Sam: You know you read about those things but you never think they're going to happen to you.

Sam: What kind of problem should I make up?
Carla: Well how about this, I once took one of my kids to the school psychiatrist and he said the kid had kleptomania.
Norm: Anything come of it?
Carla: Got a couple of pens and a leather appointment book.
Norm: Or you could try using my problem. I've always had this terrible fear of being a failure.
Carla: You are a failure.
Norm: Then I've licked it.

Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: It looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mr. Lucky.

Sam: What's got you so upset?
Frasier: Some college professor has just published an article that refutes everything I said in my last paper.
Cliff: Sounds like a shoot out at the Cuckoo Corral.

Sam: Why don't you just admit that you're nuts about me and you can't stand seeing me going out with other women, so you tried to eliminate the competition?
Diane: Sam... your hormones have staged a "coup d'etat" on your brain.
Sam: Ah, no, no. Don't, don't try to distract me with hormone talk.

Sam: Woody, this is Carla Tortelli.
Woody: Hi ma'am.
Carla: Ma'am? What's that supposed to mean?
Woody: I believe it's a term of respect.
Carla: No wonder it sounded so weird.