Cheers quotes
515 total quotesAll Seasons
Season 1
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Sam: Say Carla, I'm babysitting tonight. You got any advice for me?
Carla: Sure. Here's everything you need to know about babies. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby stick a bottle in their mouth.
Sam: Great, okay, good.
Kelly: Okay I'm ready.
Carla: Here's everything you need to know about customers. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, just stick a bottle in their mouths.
Carla: Sure. Here's everything you need to know about babies. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby stick a bottle in their mouth.
Sam: Great, okay, good.
Kelly: Okay I'm ready.
Carla: Here's everything you need to know about customers. Remember you're the boss. Don't let them give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, just stick a bottle in their mouths.
Sam: Say didn't we used to have a weekly Elizabethan poet night?
Norm: It started getting too rowdy.
Cliff: I remember the night you were charged with practicing iambic pentameter without a license.
Norm: It started getting too rowdy.
Cliff: I remember the night you were charged with practicing iambic pentameter without a license.
Sam: So believe it or not I've given up sex entirely. But you've got to promise not to tell anyone.
Frasier: Well Sam, confidentiality is the bedrock of my profession. Besides, who'd believe it?
Frasier: Well Sam, confidentiality is the bedrock of my profession. Besides, who'd believe it?
Sam: Somebody wants you at another table.
Diane: Who?
Sam: Everybody at this one.
Diane: Who?
Sam: Everybody at this one.
Sam: Speaking of Mercedes, I'm kind of known as the Mercedes of guys.
Rebecca: Really? I always thought you were more of a cheap pickup with a headlight missing.
Rebecca: Really? I always thought you were more of a cheap pickup with a headlight missing.
Sam: Sweetheart, I've handled trickier situations than this before. Remember the time I dated those lovely Henshaw triplets all at the same time.
Carla: Sammy first of all, that was back when you were drinking like a fish, and second of all, that was one chick.
Carla: Sammy first of all, that was back when you were drinking like a fish, and second of all, that was one chick.
Sam: That's it. We have always done things your way. I have bent over backwards to make you happy. I bought the ring you wanted. The china you wanted. The crystal you wanted. I even agreed to have a duvet cover on my bed. I don't know what a duvet is or what it's supposed to cover. When are we going to do something that I want to do?
Diane: May I remind you we're going to Disney World for our honeymoon.
Sam: Big deal. Who isn't?
Diane: May I remind you we're going to Disney World for our honeymoon.
Sam: Big deal. Who isn't?
Sam: The Fraternal Order of the Caribou are sending a group over.
Diane: Great. Loud-mouthed, rowdy conventioneers. drinking like fish, swearing like sailors and putting their paws all over us.
Carla: Yeah, happy birthday to me.
Diane: Great. Loud-mouthed, rowdy conventioneers. drinking like fish, swearing like sailors and putting their paws all over us.
Carla: Yeah, happy birthday to me.
Sam: The one thing I really hate is to eat alone. I always feel like someone's looking at me.
Diane: I'm the only one here.
Sam: Well you're looking at me.
Diane: You can either join me or I can eat with my eyes closed.
Diane: I'm the only one here.
Sam: Well you're looking at me.
Diane: You can either join me or I can eat with my eyes closed.
Sam: The point is you've got to get to know each other better if you're going to take a big step like this. You gotta get past this early infatuation and get to the point where you're sick and tired of each other; then you're ready for marriage. Look at Diane and me, we waited five years to get married. If it were up to me we'd wait another five.
Sam: The woman I choose is gonna feel very special. You know, like when a great chef picks the perfect pork chop.
Frasier: [sarcastically] That's beautiful, Sam.
Frasier: [sarcastically] That's beautiful, Sam.
Sam: There are two mysteries going on here. First, Carla's been seeing this very classy guy. Second, your pal has been avoiding you two like the plague. Of course that's the lesser of the two mysteries.
Frasier: Sam, you're talking about one of the most distinguished and accomplished men of letters I know dating a common barmaid.
Sam: You're dating a barmaid.
Frasier: Well she wasn't a barmaid when I met her.
Sam: Oh that's right. She was a lunatic.
Frasier: Sam, you're talking about one of the most distinguished and accomplished men of letters I know dating a common barmaid.
Sam: You're dating a barmaid.
Frasier: Well she wasn't a barmaid when I met her.
Sam: Oh that's right. She was a lunatic.
Sam: This isn't an IOU. It's a bunch of writing I don't understand. That's what this is.
Diane: Is it in a foreign tongue, Sam?
Sam: No, it's English.
Diane: In your case that qualifies.
Diane: Is it in a foreign tongue, Sam?
Sam: No, it's English.
Diane: In your case that qualifies.
Sam: We no longer think of ourselves as three individuals. We are three parts of the same machine, working together. Three people with one single purpose.
Carla: Not to drown.
Sam: All right, two single purposes; not to drown and win the race.
Norm: What about you know not getting all wet and getting all sick?
Sam: All right three single purposes.
Carla: How about buying the bar back?
Sam: Does anyone have a piece of paper?
Carla: Not to drown.
Sam: All right, two single purposes; not to drown and win the race.
Norm: What about you know not getting all wet and getting all sick?
Sam: All right three single purposes.
Carla: How about buying the bar back?
Sam: Does anyone have a piece of paper?
Sam: We're sorry man. We feel bad because we know how much the Hungry Heifer means to you.
Norm: You don't know the half of it Sammy. I love the Heifer. I don't know what I'm gonna do without that place. It was like my home away from Cheers.
Norm: You don't know the half of it Sammy. I love the Heifer. I don't know what I'm gonna do without that place. It was like my home away from Cheers.